I'm BACK. (Sigh of peace)

My Dear Ones,

I am happy to be back.

Lets start with my disclaimer - I will not dwell on why I stopped and what happened to my spirit and my self expression. We will just let that go and move on. I will only say that the time I was away I worked a couple of nice temporary assignments and that I celebrated my confirmation in the Catholic church. The first thing adds to my job skills and gets me ready for whatever employment I am going to find. The second thing I had been meaning to get to for a long time. I can't really call it a completion though, since faith should continue for life. When Paul and I redid our marriage in the Catholic church last year, Father Mike told me he wanted me to get confirmed as soon as possible. So I did. It was a very interesting study which is continuing. It also opened my eyes to a lot of ways the Church has changed. By the way, I will never preach to anyone or tell what anyone should do, or what path if - any they should take. This is MY path and it makes me happy. Live your own life, follow your own path. Be happy with your choice. If you ask me a question about what I believe and what I feel, I will probably tell you. Other then that, any statements I make here about ME and MY journey, so if anyone takes offence - it is on you. You make your choice to love, honor, worship or support what ever your heart desires and I will respect and support your right to do so. I just ask for that same respect. Okay? Is that heavy handed?  YES. This does make me happy.

Now that I am home during the day again. I have a lot of things to do. We are going out of town next weekend for my husband's 4th degree ceremony with the Knights of Columbus. His twin brother, Manuel will stay over here and doggy/house sit with Baron. My house is a big mess. It sort of looks like a college dorm....well, a college dorm that exploded. Manuel is the only outside person allowed in here by choice. He does not judge or complain. This is a very welcome and appreciated attitude.There are storage boxed and papers and shopping bags and books and stuffed animals and toys (we don't have kids - we are the kids) and shoes and tools and ... stuff everywhere. My job this week is to do something to make it more livable and to find the couch. Manuel made the choice to sleep on the couch instead of an air bed. Wherever he chooses, Baron will sleep on his feet. The kitchen and front bathroom will be made more usable. They are not health risks, but just ... messy. Somethings will take actual construction repairs, soft floor boards in the kitchen and bathroom, and the toilet in the front bathroom works but will need to be replaced soon. And we will someday, when we can. In the meantime it is still safe and livable. Most homes have minor repairs to be made. You live with what you've got. My home - I share with my husband and my dog. This makes me happy.

So today, Did I work in the house? Nope. I did some gardening. I transplanted some veggies to better containers. Someday I will have a house with real ground. For now I buy soil in bags. Are you dumber then a bag of dirt if you buy your dirt in bags? But, I love the feel and smell of the soil. I don't mind that it gets under my fingernails. There is still a lot of work to do. I have 2 half barrels into which I want to transplant my orange trees. I need to drill a drain hole in the bottom of each. I'm using a thing that drills a 1 1/2 inch hole. But, I have realized drilling hard oak is not easy. One of the orange trees is full of blossoms, is it too late to transplant? The trees are each 'dwarf' variety and are about 3 ft tall, in 10 inch containers that are way too small. I can't help thinking it is, for them, like wearing shoes that are too tight. I have had the trees for about 2 years and they have each given me one orange. They take turns. It is a delightful gift to pick my orange in the fall and to enjoy the sweet fruit that grew just for me. This make me happy

I have one garden place that doesn't need work, just love, water and the sun. It is a flower box that is growing ivy that was the "favor" at the party for our wedding renewal. Sitting amongst the ivy is Snow White (with dopey) She is my girl. When I was little she was the only dark haired princess. The opposite end of the flower box holds a 'sand' castle. There are stones from one end to the others that say FAITH, HOPE, LOVE, and JOY. This makes me happy

Well, I am so happy to back to putting my mind and heart into words to share. Please forgive me for my little rant in the beginning. I welcome constructive conversation. But try to keep in mind what constructive means. It doesn't mean personal judgement or to pick apart. Let's pretend this is just you and I having a visit. That would make me happy. How about you?

Peace, Joy, Love, Happiness and a sunny garden to you all.

Tis' what season?

This is a bit early, and that is the point. Also, if you are a Facebook friend I am stealing this from a post I put up today. I have added more ideas. I'm starting to hear people grumble about Christmas. ...already. I hear about how much it costs to buy gifts. How hard it is to travel to see family or to have family visit, and not wanting to put up with relatives and in-laws. I guess I am lucky, I don't have any money for gifts or to travel or to have guests. So all the stresses are gone and all I have left is to enjoy the music, the decorations and the holiday spirit. :-) ♥

But, seriously. To the early grumblers. So what if some of the decorations are up before Thanksgiving. No one is saying to skip the day. Have your turkey and enjoy it. Watch the Macy's parade, watch football. We get a little extra time to enjoy the decorations. The radio station we have set as the alarm on our clock radio, is the station that traditionally plays non stop Christmas music starting the day after Thanksgiving. We love it. The on air personality said that they have been receiving requests for Christmas music since the beginning of October. 

You're not Christian and don't want to be wished a Merry Christmas.? Please understand that it is meant to be a cheerful greeting. It is not meant to put you down and knock your religion, or lack there of. Try saying thank you. You can even say I don't celebrate Christmas but I hope you have a nice day. Why turn it into a battle? Here is an example, If someone wishes me a Happy Grunsday, do I get insulted and upset and yell at them for assuming that I share their holiday observance? No, I smile and say "Thank you, I don't observe Grunsday, but I hope you have a great day."  Or, better yet stop after the thank you and just wish them well.

Here is something that will not sit well with some of my friends, but let me explain. I have recently seen someone start with the request to keep Christ in Christmas. They don't want to hear Happy holidays or Seasons Greetings. Well, yes, I agree for when talking about Christmas, Jesus is the reason for the season. Not so much Santa Claus. Yes, yes, yes  But, this person was starting to get a little hot under the collar. I have quite a few non Christian friends. Hanukkah has been celebrated since before Christ. In fact I think he celebrated it with his family. Our Jewish friends have a right to celebrate their festival of lights. If anything, they had this time of year (season) first. Also I know a few Pagans. Their holiday is always going to be, and always has been the winter solstice. There has been discussion about weather Jesus was born in December. To the people who get angry at sharing the season, I just want to remind you that friction does not cause light, it causes heat. Let's all share the season of love and brotherhood. OK, are you mad at me? I'll move on.

Angry that you 'have to' buy gifts? How about you 'get to' show people how much you appreciate them in your life. Go smaller or home made on gifts. If that will make someone mad at you, maybe they don't deserve a gift after all. Yes, I know there is much more to it then that. If you don't want to spend time with people you don't get along with. Set a time limit for your visit. If you live near your loved ones, spend a few hours, then go home. If you are visiting another city for a few days, make time to do things apart from the hosts, sight see, shop. Chances are they might welcome the time to finish up a few last minute things. But also think about the fact that you have people in your life, many people are alone in the world. Remind yourself that it will all pass quickly and some day these people may be gone from your life. Maybe try getting the family together to go serve at a shelter or even go caroling. It's hard to argue with an idiot relative when your singing.

I wish you all a holiday season, or what ever phrase lets you know that I wish it to be filled with warmth and the spirit of brotherhood.

Peace, Joy, Love, Happiness ... and a great Grunsday to all

The time of friends.

It has been said that people come into our lives for a reason, a season or a lifetime. A 'reason' person could be a teacher, a co-worker or a friend who only needs to be in our life for a short time to get something accomplished, to remind us of, or teach us a lesson or to just be a bright light when you need it. A 'season' person seems to me to be the childhood friend we grew up with or the high school or college friend who we learned about life with, a neighbor who touched our lives then moved on. A 'lifetime' person may be a relative that we love or one who constantly tests us. But, lifetime friends are the jewels in our lives and a gift from God.

A very dear lady only came into my life a short time ago. She may be a 'reason' person. She steadied me on the path to renewing my religious education. This may also be the 'season', as she got me connected to many wonderful people in my church and made me feel comfortable about my place in the scheme of things. She has made me realize that I want to become involved with helping other people discover their own connection to God.  As of this weekend she has moved to the other side of the country. While I am so happy for her and wish her great joy and success on her new adventure, I will miss her. I know she will do great things. In the short time I have known her I have seen not only her great organization skills but her grace, humor and kindness. At her farewell party, I looked around the room full of warm, wonderful, loving people and saw tear filled eyes brimming with admiration. She is loved and will be very missed. We are grateful for modern technology that makes staying in touch so much easier, but not the same as being together.

Is she blushing as she reads this? I hope she is laughing too. I thank you for helping me get my feet on the path I need to follow. I thank you for all of the new friends I have made through you. I thank you for the joy and the laughter in these good, but too short times. But most of all I thank you for your friendship that I hope and pray will last a lifetime.

Peace, Joy, Love, Happiness and the very dear heart of a good friend to you all.

Boo!

I have mentioned before that I grew up in a house with a ghost. Well, here is his story. The people who lived in the house before us had a bunch of kids to put into a three bedroom house. It is my understanding that they had three girls in the front bedroom and five buys in my room. To have sleeping space for all those boys they had a regular bunk bed and a triple bunk bed. It was kind of cute that when we moved into that room there was a small foot print on the ceiling. What I was told was that the boys were rough housing in the bedroom and one of the younger boys climbed up onto the top of the triple bunk. he fell and broke his neck and died instantly. A very sad thing. the ghost we saw was his little spirit running to find his Mommy and Daddy in their front bedroom. Very sad. What we would see out of the corner of our eyes was a little shadow running by down the main hall, past the front door.. You could never look straight at him. People have tried to explain it as the reflection of car lights or the sun through the patio door. But he was seen in all different types of lighting, night and day, sunny or cloudy.

My Mom, brother, sister and I had all seen him and were pretty used to him when my Mom married my step Dad. We didn't tell him about the ghost. I think my Mom was concerned he would think we were all nuts. Well one evening the ghost was particularly active. We were all in the living room watching TV. Every once in a while we would see my teps Dad glance over to the front hall. After this happened a few times my brother finally turned to my Mom and said, "He sees the ghost. You should tell him, Mom." The cat was out of the bag. At first he was a little skeptical, but after he thought about it he thought it was kind of cool. After that when would have company and we would see someone glance over to the hall, we knew. We shared the story with a few people who my folks thought could handle it.

Years later I worked on a haunted property in San Diego. right next door to the Whaley House. I would see or smell them around the property. Mrs. Whaley's perfume, the Mr.'s tobacco. There were others. Yankee Jim, a man who stole a boat. In a seafaring community like that , stealing a boat was like stealing a horse in the old west. He was hanged for his crime from a tree that used to stand where the Whaley house was built. Another ghost was of a little girl who was running down the hill to come play with the whaley daughters. She didn't see the clothes line. She hit it and broke her neck. In the hose there is a cold spot on the stairs where Mrs. Whaley was standing when she was frightened by men from new town who broke into the court house that was attached to the side of the building. The stole all the city records to move them to the new city center, threatening her and the children in the process. I have seen photos of floating orbs. I have been told that there was also the spirit of the last daughter who lived in the house. I worked in an antique building next door on the same property. My boss was a complete skeptic. But, it just happended she was very tiny and just about the same as a dress they had on a mannequin in the upstairs bedroom.Tthe ladies who worked with the historical society at the house talked her into trying the beautiful beaded dress on. She said that just as they were fastening her in she had a feeling that she had to get out of that dress immediately. The dress or someone did not want her in it.  She says it didn't convinced her, but it did shack her up. I liked working there, I never felt alone.

Celebrating Halloween always makes me happy. When I was a teen we used to do up our front yard for the Holiday.. We had tomb stones on the lawns that were on either side of a narrow front walk. We used a black light to shine on a spider web made out of white yarn. There was spooky music playing. My step Dad rigged up a ghost that could be manipulated to fly from the top of a magnolia tree at the side of the road up to the top of the front porch.  It only took a little practice to get it to swoop and dip in front of the trick-or-treators. My step brother and I would be in costume. Me, as a witch, vampire or ghoul with white face in the black light. My step brother would be dressed to look like any of the fake bodies we had around the yard. One time he was laying on the front steps in a disjointed way so that he look very fake. A little boy of about 10 or so was fascinated by the black light. At that time they were not that common. So he stepped over what he thought was a dummy. As he stood looking at the light., my step brother stood up, towered over the kid and growled. The little guy yelled "Mommy", threw his bag of candy and ran. Everyone laughed, including his parent waiting down the end of the walk. He composed himself enough to come back up and gather his bag and his candy. But he stayed clear of my step brother. We didn't try to scare the little ones. My younger step sister would be at the sidewalk before the walkway and she would give candy to anyone who was too afraid. They local news even did a remote broadcast from in front of our place.

So Happy Halloween.

Peace, Joy, Love, Happiness and a spooky good time to all ... here and on the other side.

Go deep.

I know that title has a double meaning right now during football season. Telling someone to go deep, to run way down the fields to catch a long pass. That would be a very happy feeling, to catch the ball and to make the touchdown to the cheer of the crowd. I'm talking about about another kind of going deep. Going deep into myself. I have a troubled soul. That is why I strive so hard to connect to happiness. Happiness is work. The easy path is to drop into depression and darkness. I know I'm not really unique. a lot of people have troubled souls. No one has had a perfect life. We are all the culmination of our experiences. There were some basic things in life that I did not get to experience. I'm not complaining here, I am just going over my background. I missed out on parental love. I had not been trusted understood or respected when I was growing. So, whaaa, get over it and move on. That is what I am trying to do. It will take a lot of prayer and going deep.

I am very happy to be in a safe place in my life that I can do this. Today I was apologizing to Paul for not being the kind of wife he deserves. He put me in my place. He told me that he loves who I am not what I do or how I act. He told me that he respects me. That made me cry. I don't remember ever being told that anyone has ever respected me. It makes me want to live up to his words.  There are some very basic beliefs I have about myself that have to change. I think it is no coincidence that I am heading for confirmation, not that that in it's self changes anything. I also know that it is no accident that I have the time to go to mass during the week. I am happy to be able to be more clear and at peace in prayer. I just need to put these changes in action. I'm not sure I have the strength.

Life is full of new beginnings.  It is also about learning new things all the time and finding out that what once was thought to be something turns out to be something entirely different. When I started to write this blog, one of my big motives was to make money. Well, I have learned that people who read it don't know how that works, and I was instructed to not tell how it works...so it doesn't make any money. But what I have learned is that writing this is for me, for my soul and spirit. Of course I need money but even though this isn't they way to do it, I will continue to write. And that makes me very happy.

Peace (of mind), Joy(of spirit), Love (of life) Happiness (of the heart) and the desire to Go Deep to all.

Party kids and fun

Tonight we had our trailer park Halloween party. On of the ladies even came as "trailer Trash." she made a dress from a big trash bag with trash taped here and there all over.  In the other adults we had hippies and flower children, a doctor in scrubs (a comfy costume), the teens went for a few witches and zombies, a Wendy - as in the hamburger place and twin teen girls wearing "Thing 1 and Thing 2" t-shirts.The little guys were super heroes and ninja but all them little girls were all princesses with the exception of one Mini Mouse. My witch hat was a success.

The food was good, salad spaghetti and garlic bread. Our neighbor brought her home made mac n cheese which I like but Paul doesn't care for. He likes the kind my sister showed him how to make. We made cookies, the Pillsbury premade kind you just bake - on sale for $1.25 pkg.There were a lot of cupcakes and someone makes candy dipped pretzel sticks. The big success in desserts was  large candy covered marshmallows.

There was a feeling of an old time Halloween party with games for the kids. They played pumpkin rolling relay races, a circle game, like hot potato, played with the kids passing a pumpkin. And finally, the big game, the best loved pinata. In this case a giant eye ball. We had fun. I hope we get trick or treaters this year. If not there is a lot of candy going to Paul's office on Monday. We were sure to get things we like. In memory of my Mom we always get a bag of Reese's peanut butter cups. Even though Mom lived miles away from the nearest child back in the hills, she always got a bag ... just in case.

Peace, Joy, Love, Happiness and enough treats ... just in case.

Left Handed.

This will be short and mostly left handed. A while back I hurt my left shoulder. I think I dislocated it.(I know where it is, it just doesn't work right. It sure TELLS me where it is.) I cant raise my right arm any higher then even with my shoulder or behind me to the right. I had it adjusted by my Chiropractor, but it is. taking me a long time to get better. I can defiantly work around it, but I think I just tried to do too much today. I hardly did anything at all. I met with a lady at church about my confirmation and Paul and I got the money together to pay the rent for November. I got the money converted to money orders and dropped it off. We next have to get the money together for the November mortgage. With his next paycheck we will pay off the payday loan, pay the money we own the neighbors for yard work and the phone and the car insurance. We won't have the mortgage until two weeks after that and by that time it is almost time for the December rent. I NEED to be bringing an income to this family.My medication runs out this week and I have no idea when that will be replaced. Where is my happy? In the belief that it is all in God's hands and the fact that, even though I am sorry that Paul is going through this, I know he is learning things about life and he is by my side.

Tomorrow I will work on Halloween costumes and we will have a party with our neighbors at the park clubhouse. I love dressing in costume I am looking forward to the fun and time with people.

Time to take my sore right arm and a slight sinus thing to bed.

Peace, Love, Joy, Happiness and ambidexterity to all