Boo!

I have mentioned before that I grew up in a house with a ghost. Well, here is his story. The people who lived in the house before us had a bunch of kids to put into a three bedroom house. It is my understanding that they had three girls in the front bedroom and five buys in my room. To have sleeping space for all those boys they had a regular bunk bed and a triple bunk bed. It was kind of cute that when we moved into that room there was a small foot print on the ceiling. What I was told was that the boys were rough housing in the bedroom and one of the younger boys climbed up onto the top of the triple bunk. he fell and broke his neck and died instantly. A very sad thing. the ghost we saw was his little spirit running to find his Mommy and Daddy in their front bedroom. Very sad. What we would see out of the corner of our eyes was a little shadow running by down the main hall, past the front door.. You could never look straight at him. People have tried to explain it as the reflection of car lights or the sun through the patio door. But he was seen in all different types of lighting, night and day, sunny or cloudy.

My Mom, brother, sister and I had all seen him and were pretty used to him when my Mom married my step Dad. We didn't tell him about the ghost. I think my Mom was concerned he would think we were all nuts. Well one evening the ghost was particularly active. We were all in the living room watching TV. Every once in a while we would see my teps Dad glance over to the front hall. After this happened a few times my brother finally turned to my Mom and said, "He sees the ghost. You should tell him, Mom." The cat was out of the bag. At first he was a little skeptical, but after he thought about it he thought it was kind of cool. After that when would have company and we would see someone glance over to the hall, we knew. We shared the story with a few people who my folks thought could handle it.

Years later I worked on a haunted property in San Diego. right next door to the Whaley House. I would see or smell them around the property. Mrs. Whaley's perfume, the Mr.'s tobacco. There were others. Yankee Jim, a man who stole a boat. In a seafaring community like that , stealing a boat was like stealing a horse in the old west. He was hanged for his crime from a tree that used to stand where the Whaley house was built. Another ghost was of a little girl who was running down the hill to come play with the whaley daughters. She didn't see the clothes line. She hit it and broke her neck. In the hose there is a cold spot on the stairs where Mrs. Whaley was standing when she was frightened by men from new town who broke into the court house that was attached to the side of the building. The stole all the city records to move them to the new city center, threatening her and the children in the process. I have seen photos of floating orbs. I have been told that there was also the spirit of the last daughter who lived in the house. I worked in an antique building next door on the same property. My boss was a complete skeptic. But, it just happended she was very tiny and just about the same as a dress they had on a mannequin in the upstairs bedroom.Tthe ladies who worked with the historical society at the house talked her into trying the beautiful beaded dress on. She said that just as they were fastening her in she had a feeling that she had to get out of that dress immediately. The dress or someone did not want her in it.  She says it didn't convinced her, but it did shack her up. I liked working there, I never felt alone.

Celebrating Halloween always makes me happy. When I was a teen we used to do up our front yard for the Holiday.. We had tomb stones on the lawns that were on either side of a narrow front walk. We used a black light to shine on a spider web made out of white yarn. There was spooky music playing. My step Dad rigged up a ghost that could be manipulated to fly from the top of a magnolia tree at the side of the road up to the top of the front porch.  It only took a little practice to get it to swoop and dip in front of the trick-or-treators. My step brother and I would be in costume. Me, as a witch, vampire or ghoul with white face in the black light. My step brother would be dressed to look like any of the fake bodies we had around the yard. One time he was laying on the front steps in a disjointed way so that he look very fake. A little boy of about 10 or so was fascinated by the black light. At that time they were not that common. So he stepped over what he thought was a dummy. As he stood looking at the light., my step brother stood up, towered over the kid and growled. The little guy yelled "Mommy", threw his bag of candy and ran. Everyone laughed, including his parent waiting down the end of the walk. He composed himself enough to come back up and gather his bag and his candy. But he stayed clear of my step brother. We didn't try to scare the little ones. My younger step sister would be at the sidewalk before the walkway and she would give candy to anyone who was too afraid. They local news even did a remote broadcast from in front of our place.

So Happy Halloween.

Peace, Joy, Love, Happiness and a spooky good time to all ... here and on the other side.

Go deep.

I know that title has a double meaning right now during football season. Telling someone to go deep, to run way down the fields to catch a long pass. That would be a very happy feeling, to catch the ball and to make the touchdown to the cheer of the crowd. I'm talking about about another kind of going deep. Going deep into myself. I have a troubled soul. That is why I strive so hard to connect to happiness. Happiness is work. The easy path is to drop into depression and darkness. I know I'm not really unique. a lot of people have troubled souls. No one has had a perfect life. We are all the culmination of our experiences. There were some basic things in life that I did not get to experience. I'm not complaining here, I am just going over my background. I missed out on parental love. I had not been trusted understood or respected when I was growing. So, whaaa, get over it and move on. That is what I am trying to do. It will take a lot of prayer and going deep.

I am very happy to be in a safe place in my life that I can do this. Today I was apologizing to Paul for not being the kind of wife he deserves. He put me in my place. He told me that he loves who I am not what I do or how I act. He told me that he respects me. That made me cry. I don't remember ever being told that anyone has ever respected me. It makes me want to live up to his words.  There are some very basic beliefs I have about myself that have to change. I think it is no coincidence that I am heading for confirmation, not that that in it's self changes anything. I also know that it is no accident that I have the time to go to mass during the week. I am happy to be able to be more clear and at peace in prayer. I just need to put these changes in action. I'm not sure I have the strength.

Life is full of new beginnings.  It is also about learning new things all the time and finding out that what once was thought to be something turns out to be something entirely different. When I started to write this blog, one of my big motives was to make money. Well, I have learned that people who read it don't know how that works, and I was instructed to not tell how it works...so it doesn't make any money. But what I have learned is that writing this is for me, for my soul and spirit. Of course I need money but even though this isn't they way to do it, I will continue to write. And that makes me very happy.

Peace (of mind), Joy(of spirit), Love (of life) Happiness (of the heart) and the desire to Go Deep to all.

Party kids and fun

Tonight we had our trailer park Halloween party. On of the ladies even came as "trailer Trash." she made a dress from a big trash bag with trash taped here and there all over.  In the other adults we had hippies and flower children, a doctor in scrubs (a comfy costume), the teens went for a few witches and zombies, a Wendy - as in the hamburger place and twin teen girls wearing "Thing 1 and Thing 2" t-shirts.The little guys were super heroes and ninja but all them little girls were all princesses with the exception of one Mini Mouse. My witch hat was a success.

The food was good, salad spaghetti and garlic bread. Our neighbor brought her home made mac n cheese which I like but Paul doesn't care for. He likes the kind my sister showed him how to make. We made cookies, the Pillsbury premade kind you just bake - on sale for $1.25 pkg.There were a lot of cupcakes and someone makes candy dipped pretzel sticks. The big success in desserts was  large candy covered marshmallows.

There was a feeling of an old time Halloween party with games for the kids. They played pumpkin rolling relay races, a circle game, like hot potato, played with the kids passing a pumpkin. And finally, the big game, the best loved pinata. In this case a giant eye ball. We had fun. I hope we get trick or treaters this year. If not there is a lot of candy going to Paul's office on Monday. We were sure to get things we like. In memory of my Mom we always get a bag of Reese's peanut butter cups. Even though Mom lived miles away from the nearest child back in the hills, she always got a bag ... just in case.

Peace, Joy, Love, Happiness and enough treats ... just in case.

Left Handed.

This will be short and mostly left handed. A while back I hurt my left shoulder. I think I dislocated it.(I know where it is, it just doesn't work right. It sure TELLS me where it is.) I cant raise my right arm any higher then even with my shoulder or behind me to the right. I had it adjusted by my Chiropractor, but it is. taking me a long time to get better. I can defiantly work around it, but I think I just tried to do too much today. I hardly did anything at all. I met with a lady at church about my confirmation and Paul and I got the money together to pay the rent for November. I got the money converted to money orders and dropped it off. We next have to get the money together for the November mortgage. With his next paycheck we will pay off the payday loan, pay the money we own the neighbors for yard work and the phone and the car insurance. We won't have the mortgage until two weeks after that and by that time it is almost time for the December rent. I NEED to be bringing an income to this family.My medication runs out this week and I have no idea when that will be replaced. Where is my happy? In the belief that it is all in God's hands and the fact that, even though I am sorry that Paul is going through this, I know he is learning things about life and he is by my side.

Tomorrow I will work on Halloween costumes and we will have a party with our neighbors at the park clubhouse. I love dressing in costume I am looking forward to the fun and time with people.

Time to take my sore right arm and a slight sinus thing to bed.

Peace, Love, Joy, Happiness and ambidexterity to all

Two sides

I'm a little bit melancholy today. Yes, I am pretty happy most of the time, and I do still have an underlying level of happiness. But between my finances, needing work and a little sinus congestion I'm just mellowed out and, I don't know, kind  ... blah! It is so true that no one can make you happy but you yourself. The same with happiness, you have to make up your mind to be happy. Aside from true medical issues, mental attitude is pretty much a habit. Of course there are things that make us feel sad, but how we chose to react and for how long we react is up to us. It is OK to have emotional down time. Just don't get stuck in it. If there were no valleys how would we recognize the mountaintops?

I was going through my e-mail address list and I see that I still have a few people listed who have left the world. Not that Steve Jobs is on the other side I wonder if he will come up with an app to talk to the departed. That will put the Ouija board people out of business.

 I actually was in touch with the dark side at a time in my life. I can't believe that I was able to get out. I came face to face with Satan. he told me I would have anything I could earthly want if I would follow him. I was smart enough to run the other way. This was many, many years ago. I still remember looking at him. Here is a big surprise to most people, he appeared beautiful. Not pretty, but so compelling. I understand why so many people are caught by him. He had incredible charisma beyond any earthly measure. Even though I escaped that time I pushed the limits again a few years later. This time God sent Paul in to pull me out. I could have tried to pull him in, but we made the right decisions. We were in spiritual neutral for a while, but now we are in the grace of God and learning more. I have been to both sides of this battle and I will tell you good is the side to choose. I would say God is, and I would be telling the truth, but there are many people who don't know about God as most of us do. I will not exclude them from good. But the evil one - stay way, reject his offers, they are lies anyway. Satan's biggest victory is to convince people he doesn't exist. he (no caps on purpose) he does exist and can appear in any form. Years ago when people we really getting into angels on an almost worshipful level I was very concerned since he and his crew can appear as what people think an angel looks like.

I am much happier walking in Gods light, hand in hand with my husband. I will see my e-mail address book friends who have gone to the other side some day. I am so grateful I didn't make the other decision. No power and possessions on earth will ever measure up to the glory in heaven. What ever your belief system is there is a good and a dark, I just advise to do what you know is right.

Peace, Joy, Love, Happiness and the Blessing of the True Light to all. ... Be good.

Just Stuff.

Just some odds and ends that go along with other stuff I've talked about this week. We will be going to a small Halloween party here at our mobile park. I'm going a s a witch. Not very original, but I'll jazz it up. I got a pretty nice red witch hat in the discount section. For such a cheep item it is made fairly well. It is the typical shape, there are two rosettes on the brim and a lace veil all around. I'm going to add some gold beads and some spiders. I for the dress of the costume I will rearrange a variation of my pirate fest costume. I will also do the freight face make up I talked about before. Paul hasn't made up his mind. He will probably use one of the rubber masks we have. He still hasn't warmed up to me putting make up on him. I think some day he will, I can wait. I did tell him that to not wear a costume to a costume party draws more attention them to wear something. It doesn't have to be fancy. There will also be a pot luck. The park management is providing spaghetti, salad and bread. We are thinking of a dessert, but I see that drinks aren't listed. We brought a raspberry punch last year that people liked. I might call and see if that is what they need again.

On Wednesday we have a pot luck with our RCIA class. It was discussed if we need a sign up sheet, but most people felt they needed to think about it. We will get there early so we don't need to worry about eating dinner first. I might make my famous chicken pasta salad. It has protein, starch, and a little veggie. That way if everyone else brings junk food that pasta dish can be a main course. Then next Friday we have another party. Paul is going to make his stroganoff for that. The meat and sauce will be in a crock pot. I am trying to decided if the noodles should be mixed in or somehow served on the side. I don't know how to keep them from getting sticky. Hmmm, I'll figure it out.

I was watching a talk show today where they were talking about costume ideas. They brought up a very good point about being careful about not offending anyone with stereotypes. For example if you are white and decide to be a rapper or 'gangsta' (not a Prohibition gangster). Be careful not to make derogatory or insulting characterizations. Or if you were to wear an Asian costume  and to do it like Jerry Lewis did with buck teeth and thick glasses, that would be insulting. But you could wear a beautiful kimono and be respectful to the Japanese culture. Think about weather you are honoring the character or mocking someones race or culture. Just be a zombie, they don't get upset if you mock them.

Peace, Joy, Love, Happiness and Good times to all.

Potluck food and fun.

This time of year starts the rounds of pot luck parties. So many goodies ... and some baddies. It is fun to try new things and enjoy old favorites. There are usually favorite dips such as 7-layer or nacho cheese, or bread dips like spinach or artichoke. If you are lucky to have electricity for crock pots there may be chili or my husbands favorite, the little weenies in B B Q sauce. There are those tortilla roll up things, cheese and crackers and veggie trays. Munch, munch, munch. Oh, then the deserts! Cakes, pies, cookies and whatever sweets the mind can imagine and the tummy desire. But I have also been the witness of a few real clunkers. any food that pet hair, or human hair for that matter, has come in contact with. Things that have been way over spiced, over salted or seasoned in some weird way. I have seen processed meats that have been in someones refrigerator or freeze for far too long trying to be passed off on co workers or neighbors.

It is sometimes annoying to have a sign up sheet, because sometimes you just don't know what to make when that sheet comes around. I think it is cute to see a sheet with a few lines filled in with chips, soda, paper plates all filled in and then fifteen lines with the word 'something' written in. My favorite is the theme party. Halloween is next week and that is a lot of fun to showcase food for. Just taking ordinary pot luck food and adding food color or extra interesting ingredients can be fun. How about blue food color to potato salad? If it is the kind with that is yellowish, it could end up a sick green. Adding a Spanish olive to the middle of a deviled egg could look like an eyeball. One of my favorites is to take bread stick dough strips, cut them into three inch pieces. Roll each piece in herbs, such as Italian seasoning then place a slivered almond on one tip like a finger nail. make some wrinkle lines across the middle as a knuckle crease and bake. You will have witches fingers. Serve with a dish of marinara - chunky blood, and Pesto - call that what ever yucky name you want to give the green goo. These are great if someone just tells you to bring finger food. You have food that are fingers. Anything served in an unusual or imaginative way is good. A lot of party, variety and specialty stores have themed bowls and serving utensils. I have several bowls and trays with a web and spider motif and salad tongs that are mummy hands. Desserts are fun with the addition of gummy worms or bugs and crushed Oreo cookie dirt. Yummy! Happy tummy!

Some costumes, especially with a mask, make it hard to eat this good stuff. So make up is a good option. I wore a costume with a rubber mask, but I knew I would have to take it off at work, and because it was hot. I put on fright make up under it. I am not a profession make up artist, but I do know what awful looks like. I find that as I get older the ugly faces are easier to do. For me the best way to do it is to use basic gray, pale greens as a base. I use black or charcoal to make hard edges. I like to use my own lines, wrinkles and face contours to make it look real. As I said it gets easier as I get older. Then I highlight with a little red and pale purple. A lot of black around the eyes with red highlight in the corners looks cool.  Developing a real scary look is fun. Try opening your eyes very wide but keeping the the rest of your face blank. Don't point your face directly at anyone. stare at them from the side or tilt your head exaggerated up or down and look down your nose or through your eyebrows with the whites of your eyes showing. Remember to keep eyes very wide open at the same time. Practice in the mirror ... but don't scare yourself.  Have fun and bring happiness to others.

Peace, Joy, Love, Happiness and yummy pot luck food to all

Turn of events

As my Face Book friends already know, my job assignment ended today. What happened was that the manager at the company thought that the job opening was a basic order entry job. But it turned out to be a bit more detailed then that. The position required product knowledge. The other people already in the position had a background of having worked at the company warehouse. So, since I do not have that background, they have to go with someone else. But  I have no regrets. I'm a little sad to go but I was very happy that I met some nice people and experienced a great company. The manager said that if they had a standard clerical position open I would be in. I know that I did my best.

According to my agency manager, they consider my time there as A+. They were only given the information for an entry level job, and are happy with my work there. I actually helped the client by clarifying what the job needs. I left my printed notes with them so they are on there way to having a procedure manual for the job. He also said that he appreciates that I understand that it was not personal. Someone else might be kicking themselves because they would worry about what they could have done differently. As I said I know I did the best that I possibly could. He was so happy with me that he went right to work looking for my next assignment. he thinks he found me a short term position. It pays a little more but is a little farther away. That would be fine since it is only for a few weeks. I am so happy that they are happy with me, and that they might have something the same day the other one ended. I should know more tomorrow afternoon.

I prayed so hard for God to get me that job. He did, even though it didn't turn out as I first expected, it turned out they was God planned it. It should be enough to get our rent in on time. In some ways that IS what I prayed for. I know that there is something else out there for me. In the mean time I will be happy with short term assignments as they come along. I get to meet more people, I get to try new things. I know God will be sure that we are taken care of. That makes me happier then anything.else in life.

Peace, Joy, Love, Happiness and continued adventures to all.

Snow White.

I'm watching a new TV show that features faerie tale characters. Most prominent is Snow White. I haven't seen enough to make a decision, but it seems interesting. I figure we will probably watch a few episodes. I'm sure the producers are counting on that, It is interesting to see what their view of what happens after happily ever after.

Snow White is my girl. When I was a little girl faerie tales, and Disney, did not have as many princesses as they do now. My two blond friends would tell me that princesses are blond. I could point to Snow and prove them wrong. In fact she is Disney's first princess. I think it is funny that with the popularity of the princesses on toys for little girls, very often she is missing. Cinderella seems to be the most prominent. OK, I am going to be silly here and talk smack about these girls. Although Cindy was born a noble she was not born a princes, she married the title. She didn't stand up for her self and had to be rescued, first by her Faerie Godmother then by the prince. What a social climber. Aurora, slept through her story. Why was she asleep? She disobeyed and messed with the spinning wheel she was told not to touch. At least she was born a princess. Ariel and Jasmine are real princesses. Belle, another social climber who married into the title, but I will let her slide since she was a smart girl and fell in love when he was the beast not knowing she would end up with a prince. Snow White didn't go looking for a prince. When she lost her home and her status, she made the best of it. She and her seven new best friends were living happily when the evil queen tricked her.

Snow White is suddenly popular again. There are two or three movies in the works about her story. One has Julia Roberts as the evil queen. Another has Kristen Stewart as Snow White in armor. I'm looking forward to a 'kick ass' Snow White. Even when sharing the movie title with the three stooges, I will always love her.Still it is nice to be represented as a brunette, brown eyed princess. Although I recently saw a princess bedspread that had her with Cindy and Aurora and they gave her blue eyes. I have about 40 or more snow white items. I love them all. When I was in my twenties I dated a rich older man for his money. I told him how much I love Snow White and he did a garden in his yard for me with my girl and the dwarves and forest animals. I realized I was not the kind of girl to use someone like that and I broke up with him. I wonder if he kept the garden as it was. I will watch this new show again next week, just to see what happens next.

Peace, Love, Joy, Happiness and "Once upon a time" to all

Dress Up

Costumes make me happy. I enjoy the adventure of dressing up. When I was little my Mom would make great costumes. I think that is where I got the spark. When she was expecting me, she and my Dad had a Halloween party. My Dad was dressed as a Genie (His name was Gene, get the joke?) This was way before 'I dream of Jeanie' so most genies were male. Anyway he was quite a hunk and looked great in a turban, little vest and loose pants with a fancy sash. My Mom dressed as a Kangaroo. She made a big suit like feety pajamas and a bonnet with big ears. She sowed a pouch across the front and stuck one of my sister's baby dolls in the pouch just for fun. She didn't need any padding for her belly. That was me. I think I can count that as my first costume, since I was in there. We used to have a short movie clip of the party, it was so cute. Back in the day before anyone thought about political correctness, and people did offensive things for fun and got away with it, she made some costumes as an African native. This involved black leotard, tights, black face makeup and big rubber lips. In retrospect its pretty shocking. She went out with my step dad and two or three other couples all dressed up this way. Bars were still segregated and they would go to black bars and dance and make a spectacle of themselves. They report that the black clientele would laugh and enjoy it. I don't know about that. It would not work today, for sure. When I was about eight years old our church had a costume parade and contest. She dressed me up in that outfit, mini sized. Guess who won. I was called up on stage and given a trophy. That was my first costume win. I really liked the attention and the feel of the experience. I was hooked.  When I look back I am embarrassed by that costume, though. Great costumes were a disadvantage during trick or treating. One year she made me a little Bo Peep costume that was adorable and very detailed. The problem was that the moms at every door wanted to hear all about how it was made. Hey, that cut into the trick or treat time and slowed us down from getting to more doors.

Since then I've continued with the costume bug. When I discovered renaissance fairs and science fiction conventions, a whole new world opened up. I have had several variations of a medieval wench. but I have also been a proper middle class lady. The best costume for the ren-fairs was when I went as a leper. It was great. I wore rags painted to look dirty, I mixed oatmeal with stage makeup for my face. I waked hunched over and rang a bell while proclaiming "unclean!" The best part was when my friends, also in ren-fair clothes, decided we needed to stop at a store on the way for some snacks. They suggested I wait in the car...yeah right. It was great. Just going into a public place in the fancy costumes was great fun. We would call this "Freaking the mundanes". It is really interesting how people react to someone in costume. A few people smile and ask friendly questions and enjoy it. Some ask strange questions like "Are you in some religious cult?' But the ones that get me are the ones who pretend they don't see you. . .at all. What fun.

I still do Halloween costume contests if I am working at a place with a contest. Winning depends on the judges, of course. When I was at the Stardust in Las Vegas I couldn't do better then an honorable mention. Since the judges were guys form the security department only the pretty girls in sexy costumes won. Other then that I've done very well. I've been Joan of Arc. I borrowed a friends chain mail armor. This was when I worked at a savings and loan. I got through security sward and all. I've been a lady pirate at a law office, a dragon a few times. gouls, demons, and once before 911 I dressed as an Arab man. I wore robes, a burnoose and a fake beard. I stopped for gas on the way to work and told them I wanted to purchase back some of their petroleum product. It got a lot of laughs. I wouldn't do that now. The key to winning is in the details. I've won twice as a dog. I brought a dog dish with dog food (broken up oatmeal cookies) to snack on. The collar, the leash a book on obedience training all add to the fun. In fact when I won as the dragon I had a book with me titled "The Flight of Dragons" It also helps to relate to the job itself. Last year I temped at a place that used orange caution cones on the job. So, I went as an orange cone. I don't know if I will be working on Halloween this year, but if I do I will be happy to dress to impress.

Peace, Joy, Love, Happiness and the disguise of your imagination to all

Friday

I'm so happy it's Friday. Pretty strong sentiment for only working four days. I keep saying how much I love the place and the people, and I know I could learn the job given time. But I just found out today that the job, sort of, has a prerequisite that wasn't considered when they gave the job requirements to the agency. In their defence they have had people, my wonderful trainer included, pick up the job without it. They haven't needed to do a lot of job training in the recent past. I don't think they were aware of what the job is like to come into from the outside. I will be back on Monday to give it my all again. Each day gets better and I learn more, but the time in which they need me to be up to speed is coming to an end. It would be great if they could bring me into the company in another position then I could keep learning and be ready next time there is an opening for this department. They will need to hire again. The company is growing so fast ,which is a good thing for this economy. They really need a training plan. Well, as I said I am still in there fighting and pushing forward.

Today there was a man sitting on the sidewalk on the corner across the street from the office. He drew a lot of attention. Being right at the entrance to the refinery is not a good place to hang out if your homeless. That location draws too much security attention. It is also not safe because some of the big trucks clip that corner making that turn. He sat there for quite a while, at times looking like he was pretending to drive. After a while he took out what looked like a harmonica and played. We could not hear him from behind the office windows. Eventually the authorities showed up. First one cruiser, then another. They didn't seem to be hassling him. One of the officers crouched down to his level to talk to him. After a while they attempted to pull him to his feet but he was unsteady. The last we saw of him, he was being loaded into an ambulance. Hopefully he will be checked out, maybe get a chance to clean up and have something to eat. What interested me was listening to the other people in the office reacting to all this. People came from the far side on the building to take a look. Most of the conversation seemed to express fear, some chuckles, One nice lady said "There but for the grace of God go I. and I mean all of us.". Many of the people on the street are sick, addicted or mentally ill. But, not all are violent. One of the girls needed to get to her car that was across the street and she would need to cross that corner. She asked one of the men in the office to escort her. It wasn't necessary, I guess they wanted to be sure she could cross safely. I hope people will think a little more about the people out in the world. Help them instead of fear them. God bless and care for  those that are lost and alone in the world. Maybe make for a happier situation.

Tomorrow is a work day around here, we are going to try to rearrange the living room furniture and to set up some storage areas. I might look for some more things to sell on Craig's list. We've gone through video games, CDs, DVDs and now VHS. We couldn't get a good price on those. They wanted to pay $1.00 for the box full. I might try those on line one at a time. I don't remember the exact quote but I recently read the advice to not store up in the world the things that rust and decay can take away. I am a real pack rat. I'm not a hoarder, but I can be a real slob. I have had my personal possessions disposed of without my permission several times. So, I hold on to my belongings. I feel a strong difference between the terms used to describe possessions. Stuff, things, junk. I call them my belongings for a reason. They belong to me. I am aware this is all psychological. I have lost so much at so many times of my life. Not that much compared with what others have lost, but significant to me. I need to let go. I saw a man today who may have had nothing.  I need to let go of all that is holding me back. If I can sell it and make some money, well, that would just make me happier.

Peace, Joy, Love, Happiness and awareness of what we really need ,to you all.

Keep on

Things are getting better. I believe they will continue to do so. Today on the new job things got a little bit rough. Even though I talked about confidence yesterday it has been hard for me to hold on too. The job I am learning has a very simple side to it but also a very complex side. The young lady who is in charge of teaching me is doing a wonderful job. She is also very kind and supportive. I like her and think we could become friends. I don't mean to sound like I'm popping excuses, but the variables of the job are just a little too much to learn in two and a half days of training. I know that I am smart enough to learn this. This is where my obsessive compulsiveness got in the way. I get to where I learn enough but then stall out because I am afraid to make a mistake. That puts me into a panic and I start to doubt what I already learned. This is a very busy office and need someone to get to work quickly so that everyone is on their own desks. There was even a comment about weather or not I was right for the job. This threw me for a loop and made me feel worse.  From the stress and frustration I came close to crying. I went out to the beautiful garden for some fresh air. I called my agent pretty much to clear my own thoughts. He has told me to call him anytime and has become a friend. He wasn't available so I left a message. When I came back inside.I got a chance to talk with my new friend who has been training me. She really helped me feel better. She let me know that making a mistake wont get me fired. They want to work with me. They would rather I try on my own and make mistakes, The mistakes will get caught, then they will know what to go over again. Making mistakes is a way to learn.

After work I called my agent again. He had just had a call from the boss. The fact that he called while he was driving home from work shows me that he cares about the situation I'm not going to go into any detail, which I don't have first hand anyway, but my agent assured me that he is on my side and will 'fight for me' and that they really want this to work out. I have worked at places that run through temps like kleenex. That is not the case this time. I know now that these people believe in me. What could be a better and happier reason tho move forward and to keep on trying.

I didn't talk about the trains yet. Even though the place is located on the Shell refinery, it is a very pretty place. Across the street are train tracks, at least three sets. Several times a day trains pass by, different kinds going both directions. Amtrak, freight, tankers and livestock. I love trains and my inner six year old wants to run to the window to see. Fortunately I have not done this and it has not influenced my job training. I have stopped to watch them while on my lunch break, though. The sound of the whistles makes me very happy.

Peace, Joy, Love, Happiness moving forward and train whistles to all.

Self confidence

Starting a new job is both good and bad for my self confidence. I have been so dormant for so long that my brain has gotten lazy. Even though I am picking up the details of the new job very well, I keep catching myself dropping into doubt. There have been things I was shown once or twice that I have expected myself to know completely. Then I catch myself and realize that I can't expect to know it all so quickly. I am reminding myself to be happy with the progress I am making.

I used to say I had low self esteem because there was very little about myself to hold in esteem. At that time in my life that may have been true. I was not making the right choices in my life.  I was not taking responsibility for my own actions. There really wasn't much about me to hold up in esteem. But when I was in this state of mind, what I needed to do was reach deep inside and find that something, Something to believe in, some God given spark to hold on to. With that one thing a ladder was built one rung at a time. I still stand on one rung for far too long sometimes, and occasionally I stumble and slip a rung or two. But hold on tight for when it is time to move again. This is my time to move up and forward now..

So, as I learn my new job skills and make new friends I learn more about myself and the fact that I have things about myself worthy of esteem. When I relax I know that it is okay to be myself. When I have self doubt and don't feel I'm good enough, smart enough or that I'm not learning fast enough I can choose a different perspective. I look at the other side and count my blessings. I am happy with the way things are going and how things are changing for the better.

Peace, Joy, Love, Happiness and belief in your beautiful self worth, my esteemed dear ones.

Back to the real world

I know it's all the "real" world. Being out of work and at home kind of let me separate myself from reality. It is a much better idea to be back to work. I'm not to good and keeping my mind busy enough on my own. This is aside from the money. We need money to navigate through the modern world. Personally I don't want to be 'about' money in my life. I have often said that if I were a millionaire, I wouldn't be one for long. I would spread the money around. I enter the occasional sweepstakes, If I won one I can't imagine going nuts on anything. A basic home, a second, maybe a very basic 2nd car. All debt paid off, maybe a weekend trip here and there. The rest I think we would do the most good we could. Paul says he would continue to work. He likes his job. I have only been on my job one day, I don't know if I would continue there.(and I prayed so hard for it) I do know that I am done with sitting at home doing nothing. I probably would be doing volunteer work and maybe go to school. But until the Publisher's Clearing House van shows up, I am so happy with my new situation. I am not even going to ask for it to be permanent yet. I am happy.

We are not out of the woods yet, but I can see us on the path heading toward the light on the other side. We have been doing some interesting things to get money. Even without needing cash, Paul has been going through his music and games to get rid of stuff he doesn't play any more and for things that may not be the best for him. We have been working for a while now on removing things from our lives that do not feed our souls, or feed our souls negative things. I finally found a box of my music. A lot of it is wonderful stuff with a lot of sentimental feelings, but I haven't even seen the stuff in five years. Off it went to Rasputin's to be sold. A few weeks ago I gave up a set of Garth Brooks video DVDs in a tin collector's box. It was a wonderful thing and a gift from Paul. But, we need food and gas. On this go round Garth's greatest hits CD went. Keep in mind that just about anything ever recorded can be found on U-tube. On the way to sell this last grouping of CDs Paul and I got singing some of the songs. We both agreed that we loved the song "Friends in low places"  I thought about that song for a moment. I realized I had a lot of fun living the words to that song in my life a long time ago. I thought a little more about how my life is now. I had to change the words to: "I got friends in high places, where the Holy water and the prayer chases my blue away..." My apologies to Garth. Or maybe I should say "My blessings to him"

Paul's parents paid the phone bill again. We are truly grateful. We paid the mortgage, with the use of a Payday loan. Those loans are not economically sound, but they can save your neck when timing isn't on your side. My first paycheck is about 10 days away which should be in time for the rent (we are still praying) and we have $7 to our name. I think that will go into the gas tank to get me to and from work for the next week and a half. I can see the future. there is hope, and there is happiness.

Peace, Joy,  Love, Happiness and a financially comfortable occupation to you all.

I'm back

I have been away for 2 weeks. I will be posting again today or tomorrow.

October

One of the TV stations has started showing scary movies for the Halloween season. I have gone back and forth on scary movies. There are many that I enjoy, but there are some themes I still don't like. As a kid we used to watch as a family. We watched The outer limits, twilight zone, on step beyond and a lot of horror movies. Once my parents, my two step brothers, step sister and myself were watching  a movie on a weekend afternoon. We were having dinner on TV trays. The movie was in one of those quiet, suspenseful screens.when you know that something is about to happen, but you just don't know what. All of a sudden a door slammed on the screen, less then half a second later a hall door in our house slammed. Everyone jumped and screamed at once. My youngest step brother had been buttering a roll. The roll went one direction and the knife went the other. We found them behind the sofa. My step sister ran back and forth across the room screaming, she didn't know which of us would keep her safest. I'm pretty sure that the ghost in our house was having fun with us.

I went for a long time that I couldn't watch anything scary, I couldn't go through a haunted house or even a wax museum. OK, I still think wax museums are a little creepy. That has turned around I really enjoy them now. My mind cant get passed the fact that it is lighting and actors. Enough to be fun but not enough to really be scared. I can appreciate the work put into it. There are some great ones around. Even if we can't afford to go to any this years I'm happy that they are there for those who can. I think one of the things that brought me back is the realization that there is just a fine line between here and there. Other then the ghost I grew up with, well I grew up, he didn't have a chance to. I also worked on a property in Old Town San Diego that had several spirits in residence. I kind of feel that they were friends in a way. I'm glad to hear that the 'Ghost Adventurers" team has been there and will show the results next week. On the other hand I completely disassociate myself from a time I dealt with Ouija bords and such. I very bad thing to do.

Halloween is the first step into the holidays. Summer is a wonderful thing, but I am glad it is coming to an end for now. It will be back faster then it ever has before. The older you get the fast the seasons go. I remember when summer was 'forever' long, now it passes in a blink. Now that Autumn is here it feels like this is the best season. ask me in December ans see what I think. Aren't we lucky that the world turns on its axis?  As the world turns. These are the days of our lives. Unless we live on another world, with all my children. I don't know where that came from, just shows what a sappy time of year this is...and Sappy rhymes with Happy.

Peace, Joy Love, Happiness and a Great Spooky movie to all.

That's entertainment.

We just watched Weird Al Yankovic's special on Comedy Central, before that it was Jeff Dunham. What was on before that, I don't know, I wasn't paying attention. Sometimes I get hooked on TV but most of the time it's just on for background noise. Or Paul is watching it and I'm across the room. I'll go through phases when I will watch. There are a few shows that I like to catch if I can. but if I miss them, Oh well. we don't  have T-Vo. I don't even know how to spell it, but you know what I mean. When I was young I was in a love affair with the TV. I used to get my TV guide and mark with a hi lighter. My week would be planned around my shows.I do like the home improvement shows. I'm happy we have such an accessible look out into the world of news, information and entertainment.

This time of year we are thinking about the spooky, the scary and the things that go bump in the night. I love haunted houses. Paul and I have been discussing what  scary movies we would like to see this year on TV for the weeks before Halloween. There are so many great ones out there. We had been hoping to be able to go to a commercial theme park near by that does a great set up for Halloween. it's a bit pricey, but worth it if we had it. A few years ago we had gone to this event. One part was a walk way that you had to walk through to get form one venue to another. They had actors in costume jump out from bushes or run up to people to scare them. A couple of young teem boys were walking in front of us. They were acting brave but I can tell they were nervous. I waited for the right moment, snuck up on one of them grabbed his shoulder and growled. he screamed like a little girl and nearly jumped out of his skin. We laughed so hard. So did the hired actors. What fun. Now that is entertainment. This year it will be whatever movies will be on TV. What can be happier then snuggling in front of a scary movie with my hubby..

Our shed that we had for sale was picked up today my a very nice lady and her daughter. I didn't realize how stressed I was about the whole thing. After it was loaded into her van and the  transaction was complete I relaxed. I could have taken a nap. I'm already thinking about what I can sell next. My PEZ collection? I looked at some of my Star Trek stuff, but they need a bit of working with. This could get to be fun.

I will be going to bed soon. In spite of my shoulder still bugging me I'm sure I will sleep better. There is still a lot weighing heavy on my mind but I'm adapting better. That is something to be happy about.

Peace, Joy, Love, Happiness and an entertaining adventure to you all.