I know that title has a double meaning right now during football season. Telling someone to go deep, to run way down the fields to catch a long pass. That would be a very happy feeling, to catch the ball and to make the touchdown to the cheer of the crowd. I'm talking about about another kind of going deep. Going deep into myself. I have a troubled soul. That is why I strive so hard to connect to happiness. Happiness is work. The easy path is to drop into depression and darkness. I know I'm not really unique. a lot of people have troubled souls. No one has had a perfect life. We are all the culmination of our experiences. There were some basic things in life that I did not get to experience. I'm not complaining here, I am just going over my background. I missed out on parental love. I had not been trusted understood or respected when I was growing. So, whaaa, get over it and move on. That is what I am trying to do. It will take a lot of prayer and going deep.
I am very happy to be in a safe place in my life that I can do this. Today I was apologizing to Paul for not being the kind of wife he deserves. He put me in my place. He told me that he loves who I am not what I do or how I act. He told me that he respects me. That made me cry. I don't remember ever being told that anyone has ever respected me. It makes me want to live up to his words. There are some very basic beliefs I have about myself that have to change. I think it is no coincidence that I am heading for confirmation, not that that in it's self changes anything. I also know that it is no accident that I have the time to go to mass during the week. I am happy to be able to be more clear and at peace in prayer. I just need to put these changes in action. I'm not sure I have the strength.
Life is full of new beginnings. It is also about learning new things all the time and finding out that what once was thought to be something turns out to be something entirely different. When I started to write this blog, one of my big motives was to make money. Well, I have learned that people who read it don't know how that works, and I was instructed to not tell how it works...so it doesn't make any money. But what I have learned is that writing this is for me, for my soul and spirit. Of course I need money but even though this isn't they way to do it, I will continue to write. And that makes me very happy.
Peace (of mind), Joy(of spirit), Love (of life) Happiness (of the heart) and the desire to Go Deep to all.
I am very happy to be in a safe place in my life that I can do this. Today I was apologizing to Paul for not being the kind of wife he deserves. He put me in my place. He told me that he loves who I am not what I do or how I act. He told me that he respects me. That made me cry. I don't remember ever being told that anyone has ever respected me. It makes me want to live up to his words. There are some very basic beliefs I have about myself that have to change. I think it is no coincidence that I am heading for confirmation, not that that in it's self changes anything. I also know that it is no accident that I have the time to go to mass during the week. I am happy to be able to be more clear and at peace in prayer. I just need to put these changes in action. I'm not sure I have the strength.
Life is full of new beginnings. It is also about learning new things all the time and finding out that what once was thought to be something turns out to be something entirely different. When I started to write this blog, one of my big motives was to make money. Well, I have learned that people who read it don't know how that works, and I was instructed to not tell how it works...so it doesn't make any money. But what I have learned is that writing this is for me, for my soul and spirit. Of course I need money but even though this isn't they way to do it, I will continue to write. And that makes me very happy.
Peace (of mind), Joy(of spirit), Love (of life) Happiness (of the heart) and the desire to Go Deep to all.
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