Keep on

Things are getting better. I believe they will continue to do so. Today on the new job things got a little bit rough. Even though I talked about confidence yesterday it has been hard for me to hold on too. The job I am learning has a very simple side to it but also a very complex side. The young lady who is in charge of teaching me is doing a wonderful job. She is also very kind and supportive. I like her and think we could become friends. I don't mean to sound like I'm popping excuses, but the variables of the job are just a little too much to learn in two and a half days of training. I know that I am smart enough to learn this. This is where my obsessive compulsiveness got in the way. I get to where I learn enough but then stall out because I am afraid to make a mistake. That puts me into a panic and I start to doubt what I already learned. This is a very busy office and need someone to get to work quickly so that everyone is on their own desks. There was even a comment about weather or not I was right for the job. This threw me for a loop and made me feel worse.  From the stress and frustration I came close to crying. I went out to the beautiful garden for some fresh air. I called my agent pretty much to clear my own thoughts. He has told me to call him anytime and has become a friend. He wasn't available so I left a message. When I came back inside.I got a chance to talk with my new friend who has been training me. She really helped me feel better. She let me know that making a mistake wont get me fired. They want to work with me. They would rather I try on my own and make mistakes, The mistakes will get caught, then they will know what to go over again. Making mistakes is a way to learn.

After work I called my agent again. He had just had a call from the boss. The fact that he called while he was driving home from work shows me that he cares about the situation I'm not going to go into any detail, which I don't have first hand anyway, but my agent assured me that he is on my side and will 'fight for me' and that they really want this to work out. I have worked at places that run through temps like kleenex. That is not the case this time. I know now that these people believe in me. What could be a better and happier reason tho move forward and to keep on trying.

I didn't talk about the trains yet. Even though the place is located on the Shell refinery, it is a very pretty place. Across the street are train tracks, at least three sets. Several times a day trains pass by, different kinds going both directions. Amtrak, freight, tankers and livestock. I love trains and my inner six year old wants to run to the window to see. Fortunately I have not done this and it has not influenced my job training. I have stopped to watch them while on my lunch break, though. The sound of the whistles makes me very happy.

Peace, Joy, Love, Happiness moving forward and train whistles to all.