Tis' what season?

This is a bit early, and that is the point. Also, if you are a Facebook friend I am stealing this from a post I put up today. I have added more ideas. I'm starting to hear people grumble about Christmas. ...already. I hear about how much it costs to buy gifts. How hard it is to travel to see family or to have family visit, and not wanting to put up with relatives and in-laws. I guess I am lucky, I don't have any money for gifts or to travel or to have guests. So all the stresses are gone and all I have left is to enjoy the music, the decorations and the holiday spirit. :-) ♥

But, seriously. To the early grumblers. So what if some of the decorations are up before Thanksgiving. No one is saying to skip the day. Have your turkey and enjoy it. Watch the Macy's parade, watch football. We get a little extra time to enjoy the decorations. The radio station we have set as the alarm on our clock radio, is the station that traditionally plays non stop Christmas music starting the day after Thanksgiving. We love it. The on air personality said that they have been receiving requests for Christmas music since the beginning of October. 

You're not Christian and don't want to be wished a Merry Christmas.? Please understand that it is meant to be a cheerful greeting. It is not meant to put you down and knock your religion, or lack there of. Try saying thank you. You can even say I don't celebrate Christmas but I hope you have a nice day. Why turn it into a battle? Here is an example, If someone wishes me a Happy Grunsday, do I get insulted and upset and yell at them for assuming that I share their holiday observance? No, I smile and say "Thank you, I don't observe Grunsday, but I hope you have a great day."  Or, better yet stop after the thank you and just wish them well.

Here is something that will not sit well with some of my friends, but let me explain. I have recently seen someone start with the request to keep Christ in Christmas. They don't want to hear Happy holidays or Seasons Greetings. Well, yes, I agree for when talking about Christmas, Jesus is the reason for the season. Not so much Santa Claus. Yes, yes, yes  But, this person was starting to get a little hot under the collar. I have quite a few non Christian friends. Hanukkah has been celebrated since before Christ. In fact I think he celebrated it with his family. Our Jewish friends have a right to celebrate their festival of lights. If anything, they had this time of year (season) first. Also I know a few Pagans. Their holiday is always going to be, and always has been the winter solstice. There has been discussion about weather Jesus was born in December. To the people who get angry at sharing the season, I just want to remind you that friction does not cause light, it causes heat. Let's all share the season of love and brotherhood. OK, are you mad at me? I'll move on.

Angry that you 'have to' buy gifts? How about you 'get to' show people how much you appreciate them in your life. Go smaller or home made on gifts. If that will make someone mad at you, maybe they don't deserve a gift after all. Yes, I know there is much more to it then that. If you don't want to spend time with people you don't get along with. Set a time limit for your visit. If you live near your loved ones, spend a few hours, then go home. If you are visiting another city for a few days, make time to do things apart from the hosts, sight see, shop. Chances are they might welcome the time to finish up a few last minute things. But also think about the fact that you have people in your life, many people are alone in the world. Remind yourself that it will all pass quickly and some day these people may be gone from your life. Maybe try getting the family together to go serve at a shelter or even go caroling. It's hard to argue with an idiot relative when your singing.

I wish you all a holiday season, or what ever phrase lets you know that I wish it to be filled with warmth and the spirit of brotherhood.

Peace, Joy, Love, Happiness ... and a great Grunsday to all

The time of friends.

It has been said that people come into our lives for a reason, a season or a lifetime. A 'reason' person could be a teacher, a co-worker or a friend who only needs to be in our life for a short time to get something accomplished, to remind us of, or teach us a lesson or to just be a bright light when you need it. A 'season' person seems to me to be the childhood friend we grew up with or the high school or college friend who we learned about life with, a neighbor who touched our lives then moved on. A 'lifetime' person may be a relative that we love or one who constantly tests us. But, lifetime friends are the jewels in our lives and a gift from God.

A very dear lady only came into my life a short time ago. She may be a 'reason' person. She steadied me on the path to renewing my religious education. This may also be the 'season', as she got me connected to many wonderful people in my church and made me feel comfortable about my place in the scheme of things. She has made me realize that I want to become involved with helping other people discover their own connection to God.  As of this weekend she has moved to the other side of the country. While I am so happy for her and wish her great joy and success on her new adventure, I will miss her. I know she will do great things. In the short time I have known her I have seen not only her great organization skills but her grace, humor and kindness. At her farewell party, I looked around the room full of warm, wonderful, loving people and saw tear filled eyes brimming with admiration. She is loved and will be very missed. We are grateful for modern technology that makes staying in touch so much easier, but not the same as being together.

Is she blushing as she reads this? I hope she is laughing too. I thank you for helping me get my feet on the path I need to follow. I thank you for all of the new friends I have made through you. I thank you for the joy and the laughter in these good, but too short times. But most of all I thank you for your friendship that I hope and pray will last a lifetime.

Peace, Joy, Love, Happiness and the very dear heart of a good friend to you all.

Boo!

I have mentioned before that I grew up in a house with a ghost. Well, here is his story. The people who lived in the house before us had a bunch of kids to put into a three bedroom house. It is my understanding that they had three girls in the front bedroom and five buys in my room. To have sleeping space for all those boys they had a regular bunk bed and a triple bunk bed. It was kind of cute that when we moved into that room there was a small foot print on the ceiling. What I was told was that the boys were rough housing in the bedroom and one of the younger boys climbed up onto the top of the triple bunk. he fell and broke his neck and died instantly. A very sad thing. the ghost we saw was his little spirit running to find his Mommy and Daddy in their front bedroom. Very sad. What we would see out of the corner of our eyes was a little shadow running by down the main hall, past the front door.. You could never look straight at him. People have tried to explain it as the reflection of car lights or the sun through the patio door. But he was seen in all different types of lighting, night and day, sunny or cloudy.

My Mom, brother, sister and I had all seen him and were pretty used to him when my Mom married my step Dad. We didn't tell him about the ghost. I think my Mom was concerned he would think we were all nuts. Well one evening the ghost was particularly active. We were all in the living room watching TV. Every once in a while we would see my teps Dad glance over to the front hall. After this happened a few times my brother finally turned to my Mom and said, "He sees the ghost. You should tell him, Mom." The cat was out of the bag. At first he was a little skeptical, but after he thought about it he thought it was kind of cool. After that when would have company and we would see someone glance over to the hall, we knew. We shared the story with a few people who my folks thought could handle it.

Years later I worked on a haunted property in San Diego. right next door to the Whaley House. I would see or smell them around the property. Mrs. Whaley's perfume, the Mr.'s tobacco. There were others. Yankee Jim, a man who stole a boat. In a seafaring community like that , stealing a boat was like stealing a horse in the old west. He was hanged for his crime from a tree that used to stand where the Whaley house was built. Another ghost was of a little girl who was running down the hill to come play with the whaley daughters. She didn't see the clothes line. She hit it and broke her neck. In the hose there is a cold spot on the stairs where Mrs. Whaley was standing when she was frightened by men from new town who broke into the court house that was attached to the side of the building. The stole all the city records to move them to the new city center, threatening her and the children in the process. I have seen photos of floating orbs. I have been told that there was also the spirit of the last daughter who lived in the house. I worked in an antique building next door on the same property. My boss was a complete skeptic. But, it just happended she was very tiny and just about the same as a dress they had on a mannequin in the upstairs bedroom.Tthe ladies who worked with the historical society at the house talked her into trying the beautiful beaded dress on. She said that just as they were fastening her in she had a feeling that she had to get out of that dress immediately. The dress or someone did not want her in it.  She says it didn't convinced her, but it did shack her up. I liked working there, I never felt alone.

Celebrating Halloween always makes me happy. When I was a teen we used to do up our front yard for the Holiday.. We had tomb stones on the lawns that were on either side of a narrow front walk. We used a black light to shine on a spider web made out of white yarn. There was spooky music playing. My step Dad rigged up a ghost that could be manipulated to fly from the top of a magnolia tree at the side of the road up to the top of the front porch.  It only took a little practice to get it to swoop and dip in front of the trick-or-treators. My step brother and I would be in costume. Me, as a witch, vampire or ghoul with white face in the black light. My step brother would be dressed to look like any of the fake bodies we had around the yard. One time he was laying on the front steps in a disjointed way so that he look very fake. A little boy of about 10 or so was fascinated by the black light. At that time they were not that common. So he stepped over what he thought was a dummy. As he stood looking at the light., my step brother stood up, towered over the kid and growled. The little guy yelled "Mommy", threw his bag of candy and ran. Everyone laughed, including his parent waiting down the end of the walk. He composed himself enough to come back up and gather his bag and his candy. But he stayed clear of my step brother. We didn't try to scare the little ones. My younger step sister would be at the sidewalk before the walkway and she would give candy to anyone who was too afraid. They local news even did a remote broadcast from in front of our place.

So Happy Halloween.

Peace, Joy, Love, Happiness and a spooky good time to all ... here and on the other side.

Go deep.

I know that title has a double meaning right now during football season. Telling someone to go deep, to run way down the fields to catch a long pass. That would be a very happy feeling, to catch the ball and to make the touchdown to the cheer of the crowd. I'm talking about about another kind of going deep. Going deep into myself. I have a troubled soul. That is why I strive so hard to connect to happiness. Happiness is work. The easy path is to drop into depression and darkness. I know I'm not really unique. a lot of people have troubled souls. No one has had a perfect life. We are all the culmination of our experiences. There were some basic things in life that I did not get to experience. I'm not complaining here, I am just going over my background. I missed out on parental love. I had not been trusted understood or respected when I was growing. So, whaaa, get over it and move on. That is what I am trying to do. It will take a lot of prayer and going deep.

I am very happy to be in a safe place in my life that I can do this. Today I was apologizing to Paul for not being the kind of wife he deserves. He put me in my place. He told me that he loves who I am not what I do or how I act. He told me that he respects me. That made me cry. I don't remember ever being told that anyone has ever respected me. It makes me want to live up to his words.  There are some very basic beliefs I have about myself that have to change. I think it is no coincidence that I am heading for confirmation, not that that in it's self changes anything. I also know that it is no accident that I have the time to go to mass during the week. I am happy to be able to be more clear and at peace in prayer. I just need to put these changes in action. I'm not sure I have the strength.

Life is full of new beginnings.  It is also about learning new things all the time and finding out that what once was thought to be something turns out to be something entirely different. When I started to write this blog, one of my big motives was to make money. Well, I have learned that people who read it don't know how that works, and I was instructed to not tell how it works...so it doesn't make any money. But what I have learned is that writing this is for me, for my soul and spirit. Of course I need money but even though this isn't they way to do it, I will continue to write. And that makes me very happy.

Peace (of mind), Joy(of spirit), Love (of life) Happiness (of the heart) and the desire to Go Deep to all.

Party kids and fun

Tonight we had our trailer park Halloween party. On of the ladies even came as "trailer Trash." she made a dress from a big trash bag with trash taped here and there all over.  In the other adults we had hippies and flower children, a doctor in scrubs (a comfy costume), the teens went for a few witches and zombies, a Wendy - as in the hamburger place and twin teen girls wearing "Thing 1 and Thing 2" t-shirts.The little guys were super heroes and ninja but all them little girls were all princesses with the exception of one Mini Mouse. My witch hat was a success.

The food was good, salad spaghetti and garlic bread. Our neighbor brought her home made mac n cheese which I like but Paul doesn't care for. He likes the kind my sister showed him how to make. We made cookies, the Pillsbury premade kind you just bake - on sale for $1.25 pkg.There were a lot of cupcakes and someone makes candy dipped pretzel sticks. The big success in desserts was  large candy covered marshmallows.

There was a feeling of an old time Halloween party with games for the kids. They played pumpkin rolling relay races, a circle game, like hot potato, played with the kids passing a pumpkin. And finally, the big game, the best loved pinata. In this case a giant eye ball. We had fun. I hope we get trick or treaters this year. If not there is a lot of candy going to Paul's office on Monday. We were sure to get things we like. In memory of my Mom we always get a bag of Reese's peanut butter cups. Even though Mom lived miles away from the nearest child back in the hills, she always got a bag ... just in case.

Peace, Joy, Love, Happiness and enough treats ... just in case.

Left Handed.

This will be short and mostly left handed. A while back I hurt my left shoulder. I think I dislocated it.(I know where it is, it just doesn't work right. It sure TELLS me where it is.) I cant raise my right arm any higher then even with my shoulder or behind me to the right. I had it adjusted by my Chiropractor, but it is. taking me a long time to get better. I can defiantly work around it, but I think I just tried to do too much today. I hardly did anything at all. I met with a lady at church about my confirmation and Paul and I got the money together to pay the rent for November. I got the money converted to money orders and dropped it off. We next have to get the money together for the November mortgage. With his next paycheck we will pay off the payday loan, pay the money we own the neighbors for yard work and the phone and the car insurance. We won't have the mortgage until two weeks after that and by that time it is almost time for the December rent. I NEED to be bringing an income to this family.My medication runs out this week and I have no idea when that will be replaced. Where is my happy? In the belief that it is all in God's hands and the fact that, even though I am sorry that Paul is going through this, I know he is learning things about life and he is by my side.

Tomorrow I will work on Halloween costumes and we will have a party with our neighbors at the park clubhouse. I love dressing in costume I am looking forward to the fun and time with people.

Time to take my sore right arm and a slight sinus thing to bed.

Peace, Love, Joy, Happiness and ambidexterity to all

Two sides

I'm a little bit melancholy today. Yes, I am pretty happy most of the time, and I do still have an underlying level of happiness. But between my finances, needing work and a little sinus congestion I'm just mellowed out and, I don't know, kind  ... blah! It is so true that no one can make you happy but you yourself. The same with happiness, you have to make up your mind to be happy. Aside from true medical issues, mental attitude is pretty much a habit. Of course there are things that make us feel sad, but how we chose to react and for how long we react is up to us. It is OK to have emotional down time. Just don't get stuck in it. If there were no valleys how would we recognize the mountaintops?

I was going through my e-mail address list and I see that I still have a few people listed who have left the world. Not that Steve Jobs is on the other side I wonder if he will come up with an app to talk to the departed. That will put the Ouija board people out of business.

 I actually was in touch with the dark side at a time in my life. I can't believe that I was able to get out. I came face to face with Satan. he told me I would have anything I could earthly want if I would follow him. I was smart enough to run the other way. This was many, many years ago. I still remember looking at him. Here is a big surprise to most people, he appeared beautiful. Not pretty, but so compelling. I understand why so many people are caught by him. He had incredible charisma beyond any earthly measure. Even though I escaped that time I pushed the limits again a few years later. This time God sent Paul in to pull me out. I could have tried to pull him in, but we made the right decisions. We were in spiritual neutral for a while, but now we are in the grace of God and learning more. I have been to both sides of this battle and I will tell you good is the side to choose. I would say God is, and I would be telling the truth, but there are many people who don't know about God as most of us do. I will not exclude them from good. But the evil one - stay way, reject his offers, they are lies anyway. Satan's biggest victory is to convince people he doesn't exist. he (no caps on purpose) he does exist and can appear in any form. Years ago when people we really getting into angels on an almost worshipful level I was very concerned since he and his crew can appear as what people think an angel looks like.

I am much happier walking in Gods light, hand in hand with my husband. I will see my e-mail address book friends who have gone to the other side some day. I am so grateful I didn't make the other decision. No power and possessions on earth will ever measure up to the glory in heaven. What ever your belief system is there is a good and a dark, I just advise to do what you know is right.

Peace, Joy, Love, Happiness and the Blessing of the True Light to all. ... Be good.

Just Stuff.

Just some odds and ends that go along with other stuff I've talked about this week. We will be going to a small Halloween party here at our mobile park. I'm going a s a witch. Not very original, but I'll jazz it up. I got a pretty nice red witch hat in the discount section. For such a cheep item it is made fairly well. It is the typical shape, there are two rosettes on the brim and a lace veil all around. I'm going to add some gold beads and some spiders. I for the dress of the costume I will rearrange a variation of my pirate fest costume. I will also do the freight face make up I talked about before. Paul hasn't made up his mind. He will probably use one of the rubber masks we have. He still hasn't warmed up to me putting make up on him. I think some day he will, I can wait. I did tell him that to not wear a costume to a costume party draws more attention them to wear something. It doesn't have to be fancy. There will also be a pot luck. The park management is providing spaghetti, salad and bread. We are thinking of a dessert, but I see that drinks aren't listed. We brought a raspberry punch last year that people liked. I might call and see if that is what they need again.

On Wednesday we have a pot luck with our RCIA class. It was discussed if we need a sign up sheet, but most people felt they needed to think about it. We will get there early so we don't need to worry about eating dinner first. I might make my famous chicken pasta salad. It has protein, starch, and a little veggie. That way if everyone else brings junk food that pasta dish can be a main course. Then next Friday we have another party. Paul is going to make his stroganoff for that. The meat and sauce will be in a crock pot. I am trying to decided if the noodles should be mixed in or somehow served on the side. I don't know how to keep them from getting sticky. Hmmm, I'll figure it out.

I was watching a talk show today where they were talking about costume ideas. They brought up a very good point about being careful about not offending anyone with stereotypes. For example if you are white and decide to be a rapper or 'gangsta' (not a Prohibition gangster). Be careful not to make derogatory or insulting characterizations. Or if you were to wear an Asian costume  and to do it like Jerry Lewis did with buck teeth and thick glasses, that would be insulting. But you could wear a beautiful kimono and be respectful to the Japanese culture. Think about weather you are honoring the character or mocking someones race or culture. Just be a zombie, they don't get upset if you mock them.

Peace, Joy, Love, Happiness and Good times to all.

Potluck food and fun.

This time of year starts the rounds of pot luck parties. So many goodies ... and some baddies. It is fun to try new things and enjoy old favorites. There are usually favorite dips such as 7-layer or nacho cheese, or bread dips like spinach or artichoke. If you are lucky to have electricity for crock pots there may be chili or my husbands favorite, the little weenies in B B Q sauce. There are those tortilla roll up things, cheese and crackers and veggie trays. Munch, munch, munch. Oh, then the deserts! Cakes, pies, cookies and whatever sweets the mind can imagine and the tummy desire. But I have also been the witness of a few real clunkers. any food that pet hair, or human hair for that matter, has come in contact with. Things that have been way over spiced, over salted or seasoned in some weird way. I have seen processed meats that have been in someones refrigerator or freeze for far too long trying to be passed off on co workers or neighbors.

It is sometimes annoying to have a sign up sheet, because sometimes you just don't know what to make when that sheet comes around. I think it is cute to see a sheet with a few lines filled in with chips, soda, paper plates all filled in and then fifteen lines with the word 'something' written in. My favorite is the theme party. Halloween is next week and that is a lot of fun to showcase food for. Just taking ordinary pot luck food and adding food color or extra interesting ingredients can be fun. How about blue food color to potato salad? If it is the kind with that is yellowish, it could end up a sick green. Adding a Spanish olive to the middle of a deviled egg could look like an eyeball. One of my favorites is to take bread stick dough strips, cut them into three inch pieces. Roll each piece in herbs, such as Italian seasoning then place a slivered almond on one tip like a finger nail. make some wrinkle lines across the middle as a knuckle crease and bake. You will have witches fingers. Serve with a dish of marinara - chunky blood, and Pesto - call that what ever yucky name you want to give the green goo. These are great if someone just tells you to bring finger food. You have food that are fingers. Anything served in an unusual or imaginative way is good. A lot of party, variety and specialty stores have themed bowls and serving utensils. I have several bowls and trays with a web and spider motif and salad tongs that are mummy hands. Desserts are fun with the addition of gummy worms or bugs and crushed Oreo cookie dirt. Yummy! Happy tummy!

Some costumes, especially with a mask, make it hard to eat this good stuff. So make up is a good option. I wore a costume with a rubber mask, but I knew I would have to take it off at work, and because it was hot. I put on fright make up under it. I am not a profession make up artist, but I do know what awful looks like. I find that as I get older the ugly faces are easier to do. For me the best way to do it is to use basic gray, pale greens as a base. I use black or charcoal to make hard edges. I like to use my own lines, wrinkles and face contours to make it look real. As I said it gets easier as I get older. Then I highlight with a little red and pale purple. A lot of black around the eyes with red highlight in the corners looks cool.  Developing a real scary look is fun. Try opening your eyes very wide but keeping the the rest of your face blank. Don't point your face directly at anyone. stare at them from the side or tilt your head exaggerated up or down and look down your nose or through your eyebrows with the whites of your eyes showing. Remember to keep eyes very wide open at the same time. Practice in the mirror ... but don't scare yourself.  Have fun and bring happiness to others.

Peace, Joy, Love, Happiness and yummy pot luck food to all

Turn of events

As my Face Book friends already know, my job assignment ended today. What happened was that the manager at the company thought that the job opening was a basic order entry job. But it turned out to be a bit more detailed then that. The position required product knowledge. The other people already in the position had a background of having worked at the company warehouse. So, since I do not have that background, they have to go with someone else. But  I have no regrets. I'm a little sad to go but I was very happy that I met some nice people and experienced a great company. The manager said that if they had a standard clerical position open I would be in. I know that I did my best.

According to my agency manager, they consider my time there as A+. They were only given the information for an entry level job, and are happy with my work there. I actually helped the client by clarifying what the job needs. I left my printed notes with them so they are on there way to having a procedure manual for the job. He also said that he appreciates that I understand that it was not personal. Someone else might be kicking themselves because they would worry about what they could have done differently. As I said I know I did the best that I possibly could. He was so happy with me that he went right to work looking for my next assignment. he thinks he found me a short term position. It pays a little more but is a little farther away. That would be fine since it is only for a few weeks. I am so happy that they are happy with me, and that they might have something the same day the other one ended. I should know more tomorrow afternoon.

I prayed so hard for God to get me that job. He did, even though it didn't turn out as I first expected, it turned out they was God planned it. It should be enough to get our rent in on time. In some ways that IS what I prayed for. I know that there is something else out there for me. In the mean time I will be happy with short term assignments as they come along. I get to meet more people, I get to try new things. I know God will be sure that we are taken care of. That makes me happier then anything.else in life.

Peace, Joy, Love, Happiness and continued adventures to all.

Snow White.

I'm watching a new TV show that features faerie tale characters. Most prominent is Snow White. I haven't seen enough to make a decision, but it seems interesting. I figure we will probably watch a few episodes. I'm sure the producers are counting on that, It is interesting to see what their view of what happens after happily ever after.

Snow White is my girl. When I was a little girl faerie tales, and Disney, did not have as many princesses as they do now. My two blond friends would tell me that princesses are blond. I could point to Snow and prove them wrong. In fact she is Disney's first princess. I think it is funny that with the popularity of the princesses on toys for little girls, very often she is missing. Cinderella seems to be the most prominent. OK, I am going to be silly here and talk smack about these girls. Although Cindy was born a noble she was not born a princes, she married the title. She didn't stand up for her self and had to be rescued, first by her Faerie Godmother then by the prince. What a social climber. Aurora, slept through her story. Why was she asleep? She disobeyed and messed with the spinning wheel she was told not to touch. At least she was born a princess. Ariel and Jasmine are real princesses. Belle, another social climber who married into the title, but I will let her slide since she was a smart girl and fell in love when he was the beast not knowing she would end up with a prince. Snow White didn't go looking for a prince. When she lost her home and her status, she made the best of it. She and her seven new best friends were living happily when the evil queen tricked her.

Snow White is suddenly popular again. There are two or three movies in the works about her story. One has Julia Roberts as the evil queen. Another has Kristen Stewart as Snow White in armor. I'm looking forward to a 'kick ass' Snow White. Even when sharing the movie title with the three stooges, I will always love her.Still it is nice to be represented as a brunette, brown eyed princess. Although I recently saw a princess bedspread that had her with Cindy and Aurora and they gave her blue eyes. I have about 40 or more snow white items. I love them all. When I was in my twenties I dated a rich older man for his money. I told him how much I love Snow White and he did a garden in his yard for me with my girl and the dwarves and forest animals. I realized I was not the kind of girl to use someone like that and I broke up with him. I wonder if he kept the garden as it was. I will watch this new show again next week, just to see what happens next.

Peace, Love, Joy, Happiness and "Once upon a time" to all

Dress Up

Costumes make me happy. I enjoy the adventure of dressing up. When I was little my Mom would make great costumes. I think that is where I got the spark. When she was expecting me, she and my Dad had a Halloween party. My Dad was dressed as a Genie (His name was Gene, get the joke?) This was way before 'I dream of Jeanie' so most genies were male. Anyway he was quite a hunk and looked great in a turban, little vest and loose pants with a fancy sash. My Mom dressed as a Kangaroo. She made a big suit like feety pajamas and a bonnet with big ears. She sowed a pouch across the front and stuck one of my sister's baby dolls in the pouch just for fun. She didn't need any padding for her belly. That was me. I think I can count that as my first costume, since I was in there. We used to have a short movie clip of the party, it was so cute. Back in the day before anyone thought about political correctness, and people did offensive things for fun and got away with it, she made some costumes as an African native. This involved black leotard, tights, black face makeup and big rubber lips. In retrospect its pretty shocking. She went out with my step dad and two or three other couples all dressed up this way. Bars were still segregated and they would go to black bars and dance and make a spectacle of themselves. They report that the black clientele would laugh and enjoy it. I don't know about that. It would not work today, for sure. When I was about eight years old our church had a costume parade and contest. She dressed me up in that outfit, mini sized. Guess who won. I was called up on stage and given a trophy. That was my first costume win. I really liked the attention and the feel of the experience. I was hooked.  When I look back I am embarrassed by that costume, though. Great costumes were a disadvantage during trick or treating. One year she made me a little Bo Peep costume that was adorable and very detailed. The problem was that the moms at every door wanted to hear all about how it was made. Hey, that cut into the trick or treat time and slowed us down from getting to more doors.

Since then I've continued with the costume bug. When I discovered renaissance fairs and science fiction conventions, a whole new world opened up. I have had several variations of a medieval wench. but I have also been a proper middle class lady. The best costume for the ren-fairs was when I went as a leper. It was great. I wore rags painted to look dirty, I mixed oatmeal with stage makeup for my face. I waked hunched over and rang a bell while proclaiming "unclean!" The best part was when my friends, also in ren-fair clothes, decided we needed to stop at a store on the way for some snacks. They suggested I wait in the car...yeah right. It was great. Just going into a public place in the fancy costumes was great fun. We would call this "Freaking the mundanes". It is really interesting how people react to someone in costume. A few people smile and ask friendly questions and enjoy it. Some ask strange questions like "Are you in some religious cult?' But the ones that get me are the ones who pretend they don't see you. . .at all. What fun.

I still do Halloween costume contests if I am working at a place with a contest. Winning depends on the judges, of course. When I was at the Stardust in Las Vegas I couldn't do better then an honorable mention. Since the judges were guys form the security department only the pretty girls in sexy costumes won. Other then that I've done very well. I've been Joan of Arc. I borrowed a friends chain mail armor. This was when I worked at a savings and loan. I got through security sward and all. I've been a lady pirate at a law office, a dragon a few times. gouls, demons, and once before 911 I dressed as an Arab man. I wore robes, a burnoose and a fake beard. I stopped for gas on the way to work and told them I wanted to purchase back some of their petroleum product. It got a lot of laughs. I wouldn't do that now. The key to winning is in the details. I've won twice as a dog. I brought a dog dish with dog food (broken up oatmeal cookies) to snack on. The collar, the leash a book on obedience training all add to the fun. In fact when I won as the dragon I had a book with me titled "The Flight of Dragons" It also helps to relate to the job itself. Last year I temped at a place that used orange caution cones on the job. So, I went as an orange cone. I don't know if I will be working on Halloween this year, but if I do I will be happy to dress to impress.

Peace, Joy, Love, Happiness and the disguise of your imagination to all

Friday

I'm so happy it's Friday. Pretty strong sentiment for only working four days. I keep saying how much I love the place and the people, and I know I could learn the job given time. But I just found out today that the job, sort of, has a prerequisite that wasn't considered when they gave the job requirements to the agency. In their defence they have had people, my wonderful trainer included, pick up the job without it. They haven't needed to do a lot of job training in the recent past. I don't think they were aware of what the job is like to come into from the outside. I will be back on Monday to give it my all again. Each day gets better and I learn more, but the time in which they need me to be up to speed is coming to an end. It would be great if they could bring me into the company in another position then I could keep learning and be ready next time there is an opening for this department. They will need to hire again. The company is growing so fast ,which is a good thing for this economy. They really need a training plan. Well, as I said I am still in there fighting and pushing forward.

Today there was a man sitting on the sidewalk on the corner across the street from the office. He drew a lot of attention. Being right at the entrance to the refinery is not a good place to hang out if your homeless. That location draws too much security attention. It is also not safe because some of the big trucks clip that corner making that turn. He sat there for quite a while, at times looking like he was pretending to drive. After a while he took out what looked like a harmonica and played. We could not hear him from behind the office windows. Eventually the authorities showed up. First one cruiser, then another. They didn't seem to be hassling him. One of the officers crouched down to his level to talk to him. After a while they attempted to pull him to his feet but he was unsteady. The last we saw of him, he was being loaded into an ambulance. Hopefully he will be checked out, maybe get a chance to clean up and have something to eat. What interested me was listening to the other people in the office reacting to all this. People came from the far side on the building to take a look. Most of the conversation seemed to express fear, some chuckles, One nice lady said "There but for the grace of God go I. and I mean all of us.". Many of the people on the street are sick, addicted or mentally ill. But, not all are violent. One of the girls needed to get to her car that was across the street and she would need to cross that corner. She asked one of the men in the office to escort her. It wasn't necessary, I guess they wanted to be sure she could cross safely. I hope people will think a little more about the people out in the world. Help them instead of fear them. God bless and care for  those that are lost and alone in the world. Maybe make for a happier situation.

Tomorrow is a work day around here, we are going to try to rearrange the living room furniture and to set up some storage areas. I might look for some more things to sell on Craig's list. We've gone through video games, CDs, DVDs and now VHS. We couldn't get a good price on those. They wanted to pay $1.00 for the box full. I might try those on line one at a time. I don't remember the exact quote but I recently read the advice to not store up in the world the things that rust and decay can take away. I am a real pack rat. I'm not a hoarder, but I can be a real slob. I have had my personal possessions disposed of without my permission several times. So, I hold on to my belongings. I feel a strong difference between the terms used to describe possessions. Stuff, things, junk. I call them my belongings for a reason. They belong to me. I am aware this is all psychological. I have lost so much at so many times of my life. Not that much compared with what others have lost, but significant to me. I need to let go. I saw a man today who may have had nothing.  I need to let go of all that is holding me back. If I can sell it and make some money, well, that would just make me happier.

Peace, Joy, Love, Happiness and awareness of what we really need ,to you all.

Keep on

Things are getting better. I believe they will continue to do so. Today on the new job things got a little bit rough. Even though I talked about confidence yesterday it has been hard for me to hold on too. The job I am learning has a very simple side to it but also a very complex side. The young lady who is in charge of teaching me is doing a wonderful job. She is also very kind and supportive. I like her and think we could become friends. I don't mean to sound like I'm popping excuses, but the variables of the job are just a little too much to learn in two and a half days of training. I know that I am smart enough to learn this. This is where my obsessive compulsiveness got in the way. I get to where I learn enough but then stall out because I am afraid to make a mistake. That puts me into a panic and I start to doubt what I already learned. This is a very busy office and need someone to get to work quickly so that everyone is on their own desks. There was even a comment about weather or not I was right for the job. This threw me for a loop and made me feel worse.  From the stress and frustration I came close to crying. I went out to the beautiful garden for some fresh air. I called my agent pretty much to clear my own thoughts. He has told me to call him anytime and has become a friend. He wasn't available so I left a message. When I came back inside.I got a chance to talk with my new friend who has been training me. She really helped me feel better. She let me know that making a mistake wont get me fired. They want to work with me. They would rather I try on my own and make mistakes, The mistakes will get caught, then they will know what to go over again. Making mistakes is a way to learn.

After work I called my agent again. He had just had a call from the boss. The fact that he called while he was driving home from work shows me that he cares about the situation I'm not going to go into any detail, which I don't have first hand anyway, but my agent assured me that he is on my side and will 'fight for me' and that they really want this to work out. I have worked at places that run through temps like kleenex. That is not the case this time. I know now that these people believe in me. What could be a better and happier reason tho move forward and to keep on trying.

I didn't talk about the trains yet. Even though the place is located on the Shell refinery, it is a very pretty place. Across the street are train tracks, at least three sets. Several times a day trains pass by, different kinds going both directions. Amtrak, freight, tankers and livestock. I love trains and my inner six year old wants to run to the window to see. Fortunately I have not done this and it has not influenced my job training. I have stopped to watch them while on my lunch break, though. The sound of the whistles makes me very happy.

Peace, Joy, Love, Happiness moving forward and train whistles to all.

Self confidence

Starting a new job is both good and bad for my self confidence. I have been so dormant for so long that my brain has gotten lazy. Even though I am picking up the details of the new job very well, I keep catching myself dropping into doubt. There have been things I was shown once or twice that I have expected myself to know completely. Then I catch myself and realize that I can't expect to know it all so quickly. I am reminding myself to be happy with the progress I am making.

I used to say I had low self esteem because there was very little about myself to hold in esteem. At that time in my life that may have been true. I was not making the right choices in my life.  I was not taking responsibility for my own actions. There really wasn't much about me to hold up in esteem. But when I was in this state of mind, what I needed to do was reach deep inside and find that something, Something to believe in, some God given spark to hold on to. With that one thing a ladder was built one rung at a time. I still stand on one rung for far too long sometimes, and occasionally I stumble and slip a rung or two. But hold on tight for when it is time to move again. This is my time to move up and forward now..

So, as I learn my new job skills and make new friends I learn more about myself and the fact that I have things about myself worthy of esteem. When I relax I know that it is okay to be myself. When I have self doubt and don't feel I'm good enough, smart enough or that I'm not learning fast enough I can choose a different perspective. I look at the other side and count my blessings. I am happy with the way things are going and how things are changing for the better.

Peace, Joy, Love, Happiness and belief in your beautiful self worth, my esteemed dear ones.

Back to the real world

I know it's all the "real" world. Being out of work and at home kind of let me separate myself from reality. It is a much better idea to be back to work. I'm not to good and keeping my mind busy enough on my own. This is aside from the money. We need money to navigate through the modern world. Personally I don't want to be 'about' money in my life. I have often said that if I were a millionaire, I wouldn't be one for long. I would spread the money around. I enter the occasional sweepstakes, If I won one I can't imagine going nuts on anything. A basic home, a second, maybe a very basic 2nd car. All debt paid off, maybe a weekend trip here and there. The rest I think we would do the most good we could. Paul says he would continue to work. He likes his job. I have only been on my job one day, I don't know if I would continue there.(and I prayed so hard for it) I do know that I am done with sitting at home doing nothing. I probably would be doing volunteer work and maybe go to school. But until the Publisher's Clearing House van shows up, I am so happy with my new situation. I am not even going to ask for it to be permanent yet. I am happy.

We are not out of the woods yet, but I can see us on the path heading toward the light on the other side. We have been doing some interesting things to get money. Even without needing cash, Paul has been going through his music and games to get rid of stuff he doesn't play any more and for things that may not be the best for him. We have been working for a while now on removing things from our lives that do not feed our souls, or feed our souls negative things. I finally found a box of my music. A lot of it is wonderful stuff with a lot of sentimental feelings, but I haven't even seen the stuff in five years. Off it went to Rasputin's to be sold. A few weeks ago I gave up a set of Garth Brooks video DVDs in a tin collector's box. It was a wonderful thing and a gift from Paul. But, we need food and gas. On this go round Garth's greatest hits CD went. Keep in mind that just about anything ever recorded can be found on U-tube. On the way to sell this last grouping of CDs Paul and I got singing some of the songs. We both agreed that we loved the song "Friends in low places"  I thought about that song for a moment. I realized I had a lot of fun living the words to that song in my life a long time ago. I thought a little more about how my life is now. I had to change the words to: "I got friends in high places, where the Holy water and the prayer chases my blue away..." My apologies to Garth. Or maybe I should say "My blessings to him"

Paul's parents paid the phone bill again. We are truly grateful. We paid the mortgage, with the use of a Payday loan. Those loans are not economically sound, but they can save your neck when timing isn't on your side. My first paycheck is about 10 days away which should be in time for the rent (we are still praying) and we have $7 to our name. I think that will go into the gas tank to get me to and from work for the next week and a half. I can see the future. there is hope, and there is happiness.

Peace, Joy,  Love, Happiness and a financially comfortable occupation to you all.

I'm back

I have been away for 2 weeks. I will be posting again today or tomorrow.

October

One of the TV stations has started showing scary movies for the Halloween season. I have gone back and forth on scary movies. There are many that I enjoy, but there are some themes I still don't like. As a kid we used to watch as a family. We watched The outer limits, twilight zone, on step beyond and a lot of horror movies. Once my parents, my two step brothers, step sister and myself were watching  a movie on a weekend afternoon. We were having dinner on TV trays. The movie was in one of those quiet, suspenseful screens.when you know that something is about to happen, but you just don't know what. All of a sudden a door slammed on the screen, less then half a second later a hall door in our house slammed. Everyone jumped and screamed at once. My youngest step brother had been buttering a roll. The roll went one direction and the knife went the other. We found them behind the sofa. My step sister ran back and forth across the room screaming, she didn't know which of us would keep her safest. I'm pretty sure that the ghost in our house was having fun with us.

I went for a long time that I couldn't watch anything scary, I couldn't go through a haunted house or even a wax museum. OK, I still think wax museums are a little creepy. That has turned around I really enjoy them now. My mind cant get passed the fact that it is lighting and actors. Enough to be fun but not enough to really be scared. I can appreciate the work put into it. There are some great ones around. Even if we can't afford to go to any this years I'm happy that they are there for those who can. I think one of the things that brought me back is the realization that there is just a fine line between here and there. Other then the ghost I grew up with, well I grew up, he didn't have a chance to. I also worked on a property in Old Town San Diego that had several spirits in residence. I kind of feel that they were friends in a way. I'm glad to hear that the 'Ghost Adventurers" team has been there and will show the results next week. On the other hand I completely disassociate myself from a time I dealt with Ouija bords and such. I very bad thing to do.

Halloween is the first step into the holidays. Summer is a wonderful thing, but I am glad it is coming to an end for now. It will be back faster then it ever has before. The older you get the fast the seasons go. I remember when summer was 'forever' long, now it passes in a blink. Now that Autumn is here it feels like this is the best season. ask me in December ans see what I think. Aren't we lucky that the world turns on its axis?  As the world turns. These are the days of our lives. Unless we live on another world, with all my children. I don't know where that came from, just shows what a sappy time of year this is...and Sappy rhymes with Happy.

Peace, Joy Love, Happiness and a Great Spooky movie to all.

That's entertainment.

We just watched Weird Al Yankovic's special on Comedy Central, before that it was Jeff Dunham. What was on before that, I don't know, I wasn't paying attention. Sometimes I get hooked on TV but most of the time it's just on for background noise. Or Paul is watching it and I'm across the room. I'll go through phases when I will watch. There are a few shows that I like to catch if I can. but if I miss them, Oh well. we don't  have T-Vo. I don't even know how to spell it, but you know what I mean. When I was young I was in a love affair with the TV. I used to get my TV guide and mark with a hi lighter. My week would be planned around my shows.I do like the home improvement shows. I'm happy we have such an accessible look out into the world of news, information and entertainment.

This time of year we are thinking about the spooky, the scary and the things that go bump in the night. I love haunted houses. Paul and I have been discussing what  scary movies we would like to see this year on TV for the weeks before Halloween. There are so many great ones out there. We had been hoping to be able to go to a commercial theme park near by that does a great set up for Halloween. it's a bit pricey, but worth it if we had it. A few years ago we had gone to this event. One part was a walk way that you had to walk through to get form one venue to another. They had actors in costume jump out from bushes or run up to people to scare them. A couple of young teem boys were walking in front of us. They were acting brave but I can tell they were nervous. I waited for the right moment, snuck up on one of them grabbed his shoulder and growled. he screamed like a little girl and nearly jumped out of his skin. We laughed so hard. So did the hired actors. What fun. Now that is entertainment. This year it will be whatever movies will be on TV. What can be happier then snuggling in front of a scary movie with my hubby..

Our shed that we had for sale was picked up today my a very nice lady and her daughter. I didn't realize how stressed I was about the whole thing. After it was loaded into her van and the  transaction was complete I relaxed. I could have taken a nap. I'm already thinking about what I can sell next. My PEZ collection? I looked at some of my Star Trek stuff, but they need a bit of working with. This could get to be fun.

I will be going to bed soon. In spite of my shoulder still bugging me I'm sure I will sleep better. There is still a lot weighing heavy on my mind but I'm adapting better. That is something to be happy about.

Peace, Joy, Love, Happiness and an entertaining adventure to you all.

A few minutes with Lori DaRosa

Did you ever notice how sometimes one day can seem like many? I did that in sort of an Andy Rooney style. I heard that he is ending his segment on 60 minutes. I didn't always agree with his viewpoint, a little too cranky for me, but I liked his style. I sure would like a gig like he had. Good luck to him for whatever happiness next. Meanwhile, back to today. Things were very segmented.  We happened to wake up early today. We kind of got an early start. I got a special treat of a coffee at 7-11. That's two days in a row. Of course I had to pay today. I decided to treat myself and add French vanilla creamer in my coffee. I didn't read the ingredient label. It must have had coconut oil in it. I had a very mild reaction. It did taste great though. But, all in all, not worth it.

The things I planned a certain way just didn't happen that way. I didn't make it to church this morning, my neighbor was out front and we got talking. Sometimes I can be a recluse at home. Out in public I'm every body's friend. But at home I get introverted. Hard to imagine, and I don't know why it happens. I just cant interact well on my own turf. Maybe because these people see me, or at least my comings and goings everyday. If I do or say something wrong I have to live with it. Early on I must have said something in a conversation with the property manager and even though she is cordial, she doesn't seem to like me. Fortunately she likes Paul very much.

I ran some quick errands then home. I got a call from an agency I have worked for in the past. They had a very good job assignment possibility for me. By the time we discussed the details and I was told I would be submitted to it, it was time for me to go again. The recruiter then told me that he can't submit me until I took some skills test. These are the same skills test I've taken twice already this week. I had to tell him that I would have to do them when I got home this afternoon. As it turned out I didn't get back until late in the afternoon. I completed the tests and called the recruiter back right away. The call went to voice mail. I hope I wasn't too late. I assume I will find out Monday. I'm interested finding out if the scores improved.. One of the tests was a typing test. In my opinion typing tests are archaic. Almost no one types from copy anymore. I'm typing this, so I know what a keyboard is. I don't know what my WPM is.

Tomorrow someone is coming out to buy the storage shed. Other then that not much is planned, so nothing can go against them. Is happiness playing it by ear? Is happiness setting goals? I'll get back to you on that one.

Peace, Joy, Love, Happiness and orderly actions to all

Autumn light

This morning when I got up I threw on jeans and a tank top. I went outside to look at my deck garden. I'm sure I had some strawberries that were just about perfect for breakfast. But it was dark out! I am so sure that it was light out this time of day just last week. The air was so cool and crisp. Really too cool for a tank. I refuse to put on long sleeves until at least mid October. I'm not the only one hanging on to summer. My bell pepper plant that I thought was done for the season has a new blossom. On Monday I had harvested what I thought were the last three peppers. Apparently I will have at least one more.

We did change the wreath on the wall by our front door.This one is all grape vine. A grape vine base with leaves in fall colors and little bunches of grapes. I also put out a swag that was commercially made. It has leaves and Autumn fruit. I love making wreaths. My Summer one fell apart and I didn't have the money to fix it or make a new one. Maybe next year. If I could make a living from crafts that would make me happy. Me and a million other people. I know some do make it. The product I would like to make to sell would be custom wedding garters. I have made them as wedding gifts. I make two, one to throw and one to keep. At one time I had wanted to market my peanut brittle. A food business is extremely hard to do. The business requirements are almost prohibitive. Maybe some day I can do one or both as a hobby business.

My interview this afternoon with the new agency went very well. There has been no job offer but the recruiter was very happy with my background. Over the years I have done many, many different jobs in different fields. The skills testing I did, went well too. I had higher scores then the last time I took them. My shoulder is still bugging me, at times my fingers get tingly-numb. By the way it is my right arm, so no panic. I think the weekend should make a difference. I want to finish the skills test from the other agency.

The sunset was beautiful this evening. Geese flying south in V formation almost seemed fake.I had great plan for what I was going to do this summer. Planning is not goal setting. Something I need to learn. I have been prepared to beat myself up about not accomplishing anything with this time I have had to myself. But, I have softened. At least for now.The night air, that I swore was warm just last week, has a slightly chilly bite. Somehow this makes me happy

Peace, Joy, Love, Happiness and Autumn breezes to all.

Happy New Year

Yes, you read that right. This is the Jewish New Year, Rosh Hashanah. A new beginning. I know it seems odd that this means something to me, but it does. I have a great respect for and deep heart connection for Judaism. Coinciding with this, tonight was a meeting of my confirmation class. As different as the two things are they are very connected. To me this is beautiful. We had a tour of the church and the meaning behind many of the different elements. I have been going to this type of church for most of my life. From birth until I went away to seek what I thought would be a better path to peace and fulfilment. Then full circle brought me back home again. It is wonderful to learn deeper meanings to things I though I was familiar with. I'm sure I will be talking more about this.  I will be happy to share.

Tomorrow afternoon I have an interview at an agency. In most ways it's no different then the agency I already have. Except for the fact that they contacted me. Even though they did state that they didn't have any thing for me yet, they are asking me to come on board. I will need to take some skills tests, These are things I know. Just to be sure I will run through tutorials in the morning. I haven't finished the on line testing for the other agency yet. I have been babying my shoulder because it still hurts. I am going to move past it and take the rest of the tests. I think I am also afraid of passing these for some reason. I don't know why. Some block there for some reason. I'm ready to move ahead. A Happy New Year.


So tonight is a bit short. but it's not for the lack of things to say. But I will focus on the adventure ahead.

Peace, Joy, Love and New Beginnings to you all.

What Happiness Next? No really.

I am still reacting to a major disapointment. I called about a job posting on Craiglist. I know, Craigslist. I have been told that there are no real jobs there, but this was really written well and they suckered me in. As I said, I called. I was honest with the girl on the phone. I told her what I looking for and what I had to offer.I asked her some questions. She told me that there was some sales involved, some of it face to face. But it was not commision and that the base pay rate was $16.95. So, I arranged for an interview. They only hold interviews after 5PM. Maybe that was a red light. Paul decided to drive me to the interview so he could find parking just in case there was metered parking. We don't even have a quarter for a parking meter. It wasn't far by most standards, just to Walnut Creek, about 10 miles. We have a VW Bug so we get good gas mileage. On our way there we found out there was a bad car accident on the freeway so I was going to be late for the interview. The company rep called me to check on me and I assured her we were only a block away. She said that would be fine. Now I'm feeling a little bad. I get to the office a girl meets me, she has me sign in and hands me an application. Right across the top of the page it said "CUTCO". I had been told that the company name was Vector Marketing. The girl had gone back into an office behind a closed door. I went over and knocked. When she answered, I asked her point blank. "Is this job selling Cutco knives" She nodded her head. I said "I'm sorry, I'm not interested." She pointed behind me "Tell him.". Mr Sullivan the interviewer had come out of his office. I was reminded of the TV show Dougie Howser.  If this young man showed up to vote I would card him. He couldn't have been 20. I told him I was not interested in selling cutco knives. I wished him well and left. By the time I got to the elevator the tears were welling up in my eyes. I had been deceived. I called Paul to come back to get me We got back into traffic and came home. It really isn't the deceit, or the waste of time but the waste of the gas. We do not have any money to get more.  But I need to find the happiness here. Well, Paul and I got to spend time together on the ride. We always like that. I posted the company name on FaceBook so that none of my friends will get duped. As it turns out someone spoke up and told me that she had answered an ad but missed her interview, now she know that she is glad she did. Now that makes me happy.

The job search though non-craigslist job sites is getting better. At least I'm getting a few hits. I saw a couple of jobs that might work out for someone else I know. I called to see if she wanted me to e-mail them to her. She was interested. I was able to forward then along with a couple of sites he husband might use for  his search. I have put in several applications this week. My shoulder is starting to get better, I think.  I didn't get to help at the historical society today. I just would not me helpful without my right shoulder. I did return the historical timeline scroll from Queen of All Saints along with a newly compiled history of the church and the program from Fr. Mike's anniversary dinner. These will now be added to the archive. I was teasing Paul that now our names are archived in the historical society since we were included on the program. This made me happy.

My husband just took everything in stride today. He worked hard all day then came home and took care of me. I know that no matter how crazy things get. I have him, and I have the faith that God has everything in a plan. Of course it would be nice if he would give us a clue. But, I am happy.

Peace, Joy, Love and Honesty to you all.

Letting go of Stuff

One thing that my husband Paul has been working on, is paying attention to how things affect him.. He has been getting rid of music, music and games that do not feed his soul. Paul has had anger issues in the past. We talked about how listening to angry music, watching violent movies and playing violent games could inflame these things inside him that he is struggling to overcome. He has been doing this in stages as he feels comfortable letting go. I have not told him what to get rid of or even that he had to get rid of anything. But, when we were first married I did state clearly that there were certain things I did not want in my home. I absolutely forbid the use of the "N-word" in my home. I didn't want to hear anything with violence against women or the police. He could listen to those things out in the car, as long as I am not in there. That pretty much eliminates a lot of rap music.He has made the decisions himself. He also says that he feels the difference in his being able to relax and stay calm. We were talking today about heavy metal music. We both went through that phase. We find that it is possible to keep memories of the metal life without having to keep the CDs collecting dust. It has been several years since either of us has listened to any of it. The fortunate thing for us is that he found a few more pieces to pass along today. . . We bought milk and a few groceries.

I have looked at selling things on E-Bay, but didn't want to pay for pay-pal. I had heard bad things about Craigslist, so I didn't even look at that. We have been looking at what we might have at home to sell. Penny Saver ads cost around $8. So, I asked friends on Face Book what they suggested. Within two minutes fivepeople said Craigslist. Time to give it another chance. Last summer we went to Sear's and bought a large storage shed. One of those big metal ones. Behind our house, we have a good sized one, but we could use another. Unfortunately the park rules about where they can be placed have changed. The one we got is 6' X 10' so it is too big to set up. It has been sitting in the original box inside our other shed for over a year now. I put it on Craigslist for $200. There have been several responses already. Some have been less serious.  I'm sure well will have a deal in a day or so.

It has gotten me thinking about what else we have. Paul has been interested in going through his comic collection and taking them to the comic store. But when I look at him as he talks about it I can see in his eyes that he is not really ready to do this yet.  He gets so happy and animated (pun) when he talks about them. I'm sure there will be a day when he is ready, until then they are safely stored. I told hum how as we get older we don't always keep the same hobbies. From my college days through my early 30's I was so very involved with playing Dungeons and Dragons and medieval recreations/renaissance fairs. These are great memories for me and would love to go to a Ren-fair, but it isn't the center of my life. I told him to not be surprised if some day he realized that video games just didn't hold his interest anymore. He though this over and talked about games he loved as a kid. He thought some more about it, but hasn't made up his mind weather to believe me or not.

Tomorrow I will get into our back room to see if I can find some of my Start Trek memorabilia to sell. The memories are happy ones, the cash could make me happier.

Peace, Joy, Love  Letting go of stuff and Happiness to all

Turn it around

There is just something wrong about watching Finding Nemo and having fish for dinner. Maybe I'll just have a salad. Then I would have to be sure not to watch Veggie Tales. Actually I have had a tummy ache all day. That sounds like I'm three years old. OK, I have a stomach ache. That sounds more serious then it is.Belly ache? Sounds like I'm complaining. That is not my intent. What I am going to talk about is not a call to action. I will be talking about the situation Paul and I are in. Although things are very difficult right now, things will get better when I find a job. They say the job market is turning around in my area. I'm sure with Gods guidance, I will find something soon.

With our very tight budget we have not had the money for groceries. This is not tragic. It just means eating what is in the freezer and pantry. My only concern is that Paul gets is nutrition since he has a very physical job. He is a picky eater, so this is not easy. We have plenty of fish and veggies in the freezer, none of which he will eat. With the few dollars we had from recycling cans and bottles from his job he got eggs and rice. He makes himself a mini casserole out of these and seasonings we have on hand. We have several boxes of cereal which can be eaten dry. I prefer Cheerios that way anyway. We also have oatmeal and protein powder drink mix. Also, micro wave popcorn to snack on.So, we will be just fine. Some people have kindly suggested we go to a food pantry. That is very nice and I am so glad that they are there for families. I can't imagine going through this with kids. Anyway we don't need to go there. Not yet anyway. I think even if we did I would feel very bad because I don't think it would be stuff Paul would eat. So, he has to learn to broaden his food choices. That, along with me learning to not turn to food emotionally, are some of the lessons I'm sure we are to learn here. God has his ways.

What I want to say about donating food to shelters and food banks is ...DO IT. when you shop and you see a 'two for one' and you were only going to buy one anyway, donate the other one. Most stores seem to have donation bins somewhere in the front. I used to try to use a few dollars for a few things extra. A bag of rice or beans are basics as are canned veggies and canned meat or fish. When I was on my own and struggling, someone kindly gave me a bag of groceries. I thank God for that, but I am sad to say that I couldn't use some of it. Some things require other ingredients. Boxed mac 'n cheese uses milk and butter or margarine, which I did not have, It doesn't really work with just water. I know I tried. I did eat the hamburger helper without the hamburger. A friend of mine who has volunteered at at food bank says they get a lot of stuff that isn't usable at all. A little past the freshness date is OK, but be reasonable. If it is so old that you wouldn't eat it, do you think someone would want to feed it to their kids? Give and share, you never know when you might be the one in need.

Just a note about why I got a tummy/stomach/belly ache. I didn't feel like bothering to make oatmeal before church. When I checked my garden I found a hand full of strawberries, I had those for breakfast. At church when I stepped up to the wine (Blood of Christ) I didn't think the cup was as full as it was so when I tipped it back I got a big gulp of wine. My nearly empty stomach didn't like that. I did eat some oatmeal later in the day, but that has been it. I have heard it is good for the soul to go to bed hungry. I will remember that I am doing so by choice. So many people do not have that choice. For them the emptiness is the normal state. At my very large size and the fact that I have had the selfish luxury of turning to food when ever I want, here is another very important lesson to learn. Thank you God for this time in our lives to learn and to connect. Turning adversity around to learn and understand is a happy thing.

Peace, Joy, Love, Happiness and a Happy tummy to you all.

Put on a Happy Face

I love make up. I have ever since I was little and got into my teen sisters lipstick. It was extremely pale pink and very frosted. The best part was that it smelled like peppermint. I did learn that it defiantly did not taste like peppermint. I don't know why she got so mad. She was saved from waisting it on some boy. There was that, and the fact that I used her fancy Kleenex box as a bed for Barbie. As a youngster I had very strong color in my face. My lips were dark and I also had perpetually rosie cheeks. I would often get sent to the principal off in grade school for wearing makeup. Someone would spit on a handkerchief and rub it on my face. Nothing would come off but I would have a redder face where they had rubbed. I was not allowed to wear or even play with make up. Happily for me my best friend across the street was allowed to play with her Avon Lady mothers kit. What fun. other then paint our faces, we conducted experiments, mixing lotions, creams and perfumes together to see what would happen. Unfortunately the smell usually got us thrown out of the house, to go play outside.

For my 14th birthday I was finally grown up enough for makeup of my own. My gift that year was a little kit of three shiny blue eye shadows and a tube of mascara. I put that on and felt so grown up, so glamorous, so groovy! When my sister, who was married by then, pulled up in front of the house I ran out to show her. She took one look at me and said "You better get inside and wash that off before Mommy sees you." Not the reaction I had hoped for.  I guess I hoped for admiration, I was sure she would want to sit down and share make up tips. The eye make up did me well for quite a while.  My lips were dark, this disappointed me because the dark color showed through the pale lipsticks that were popular. The natural look came in and calmed things down with brown eye shadows. Then in the glorious 80s the days of Mary Kay and bold colors and big hair and big shoulders. What fun. I remember my favorite pattern was grass green shadow on my eyelid, sky blue on the crease and sunny yellow under my brow. With false lashes and lots of Mascara. I' was ready to boogie oogie oogie.

I could have kept Maybelline in business myself in the quest for fabulous lashes. Something I have noticed is how much importance is put on eyelashes. Every women's magazine is filled with page after page of ads for mascara that promises lush, thick, long, sexy lashes. On TV there is commercial after commercial with supermodels or celebrities smiling then doing close ups of their professionally applied lash enhancements. We, of course, can copy this ourselves at home in the time it takes to get ready to go out. And that is a good thing because we know by what they are telling us men can not resists a sexy pair of lashes. Right? Having the right mascara, or if you don't have enough lashes a doctor can give you a prescribed liquid to brush on to grow more, is the way to get a man. I'm sure men stand at a bar or locker room or wherever they gather and say "Wow, did you see the lashes on that babe?" Right? They do that don't they? Isn't that what the cosmetic companies what us to believe. Eye lashes are the be all and end all of feminine beauty. I have asked a few men I know what they think or a womans eye lashes and mascara. Most of the time I get a blank look as if this is something that has never crossed their minds. One guy friend of mine said "It that the black goop that gets into the corners of her eyes and looks like hell?" Yeah, that is the stuff. Am I protesting the wearing of war paint? No way! Don't come between me and my little pink tube of Maybelline Great Lash.

 There is a psychological theory that they used to use to gage a woman's self esteem. They felt that if a woman felt good about herself she would wear make up. They called this the "Max Factor factor". To me it seems possible that a woman with low self esteem could hide behind make up and a woman with great self esteem could  go bare faced out into the world. As for me I will happily keep decorating my eyes and painting my nails (Oh, don't get me started.)

Peace, Joy Love and Happiness to you all.

Happiness is learning

Hello, Happy Friday! That was easy...good night.

OK, there is more to it. Besides, when have I ever not had something to say. With talking about my Mom lately I got thinking about how I did not turn our at all how she wanted. That's a good thing. My Mom believed that little girls should be sweet and demure. She told me from an early age that I am shy. I tried to believe that. The first time I had an oral report I was in the third grade and I was scared, I wanted nothing to do with standing in front of the class. After all, I'm shy. I dogged it as long as I could, I went last. I held my paper tight with shaking fingers. I refused to look at the class. At one point I said something funny. Laughter! They weren't laughing at ME, they were laughing at what I said. I peeked over the edge of the paper and saw approval. From then on I was ready for any chance to be in front of an audience. This embarrassed my Mom. But then again, she would take off work to come to my school plays, weather I had any lines or not.

She was also against being boastful. Any acknowledgement of a good thing was thought to be bragging. So any accomplishment was hushed so that I would not become conceited. Mind you, none of this worked. I do not consider myself big headed, but I do believe in myself and what I can do. I battled low self esteem for many years, there are times I still do and maybe I will always have traces of it lurking over my shoulder. I used to think that in order to have self-esteem, one must have something about one's self worthy of esteem. I sunk a therapist with that one once. How is this for a self esteem 'don't' for a kid. I have always loved words. I was an early reader and picked up dictionaries, thesauruses and encyclopedias as soon as I could. I developed an large vocabulary. I suppose I might have seemed to be showing off when I tried on a new word, But I was told by my step Father, with my Mother's blessing, to "Stop using them damn $10 words!". At first I thought they were kidding, but they were not. They were serious. It seems my step siblings didn't understand some of the words I used and it made them feel bad. Score one for their self esteem, and a bullet for mine. It is interesting to find out that even as adults neither of them can complete a sentence without the "F-word". I am very happy to stay that I was able to rise above. To be truthful, I think a lot of my self awareness come from being on my own so much. I was pretty much ignored, or even neglected. As an experiment once I didn't talk to them for four days, they didn't even notice, or care. I would be sent off to stay with other people every once in a while. I would be in my room minding my own business, then my Mom would come in and say "Pack a bag, you're going to go stay with .........." So, I learned to adapt to a changing environment. I learned to happily bloom where ever I was planted, in the mountains with an aunt, in the desert with step grand parents or down the street with a neighbor. I learned what different families were like. I learned new traditions and cultures. This still makes me happy that I feel I can understand differences better then most people..

In their selfishness they really did me a favor. When I was underage they had to take me with them on adventures, if they couldn't get someone to take me at that time. We spent a lot of time on the road or in camp just talking. I learned their histories, their beliefs and with that, what not to believe. I learned to have my own ideas and views and not just repeat their views. I learned from their bigotry how to be tolerant. They were both very intelligent and inquisitive people even though I did not usually agree with their conclusions. I did learn to keep my thoughts to my self. That is something I don't do as well now... Maybe I should try to do that more...or not.

So, not an ideal childhood. Is there such a thing? I learned some of the hard lessons in life early. I see in my husband, someone who was sheltered in his life. He has had to learn so many things in just these last few years. At times it is hard on him. But, I am here to help him just as he is here to help me keep my feet on the ground, and not run away That is my true happiness.

Peace, Joy, Love and Happiness to all.

Mom's birthday - her life rememberd - part 2

It is hard to tell if my Mom would have like for  me to spend two days talking about her. On one level, I think she liked a little attention.She had a beautiful singing voice. When she was a child she would sing at special events in her family and even in her town. At the beginning of World War II her 3 older brothers all enlisted in the military. They each chose a different country. My uncle John chose England, his little sister sang "God save the Queen" Uncle Frank stayed with Canada, so she sang "Oh Canada".  For my Uncle Charley who signed up with the Americans, so she was asked to sing "The Star Spangled Banner". The problem is, she didn't know it. She had heard the tune but had never learned the words. So, she faked it. She sang what ever words came to her mind, some of them in French. If anyone in the mostly Canadian crowd knew the difference they didn't speak up. When she grew up and became a citizen she learned the words and sang them out with pride at every Dodger baseball home game. On a side note, all three Uncles survived the war even though two of them participated in the Normandy invasion. Her singing voice is threaded through my life. I remember her singing at camp outs and Bar-B-Q's, gatherings of friends and just around the house. She loved to sing barbershop harmony and had great vocal range. She could sing very deep bass but normally sang alto. One Saturday morning while we we cleaning house she was singing a beautiful ballad in French. We were all working quietly so we could listen. All of  a sudden the tune changed and we heard  "Scooby, Scooby Doo, where are you...." It was time to take a break and watch her favorite Saturday morning show.

She was not a typical beauty. She was pretty, with thick dark wavy hair and beautiful brown eyes. She and my blue eyed father had three kids. My older brother and sister got his blue eyes, I got her brown. I felt cheated until I saw her with some of her sisters and realized that my eyes are the family eyes. But her claim to beauty were her legs. She had beautiful legs. In fact her nick name among her friends in her youth was "Legs". My Mom liked men and they like her too. During the War she had a lot of soldier pen pals. Unfortunately she got a little board, or maybe she had met my father, but she decided to end the long distance relationships. Instead of writing a lot of depressing "Dear John" letters. She wrote her usual happy, fun letters, but switched the envelopes - so a letter to Bill went to Sam and Sam's letter went to Steven and so on. That way they all dropped her. No muss, no fuss.  She and her sisters were wedding crashers. Without much money to go out on, she and her sisters would go into New York city and walk into wedding receptions they found, Italian, Polish just about any. If someone questioned them they would say that they are friends of the bride or groom depending on which side was asking. They would dance and eat and drink and have a great weekend..

She married my US Army Sargent father. She didn't want children, but he did. They had my sister then a year and twelve days later had my brother. Although my brother and sister do care about each other, the squabbling continues to this day. I've heard tales of them getting into the diaper cream and painting each other. Mom panicked that they may have eaten some. She called the doctor and he asked
"Why don't you give them butter?" "To counter act the diaper cream?" she asked, "No, instead...ha ha ha". I also hear that my sister would get our brother in trouble by telling him to do things that she knew they were not supposed to do. Once when the ceiling was being painted she encouraged him to go up the ladder several times, he kept getting spanked. Eventually she was over heard telling him  to go back up, and they both got spanked. My parents packed up the kids and moved out to California, where I was born. Mom took part in a medical test for a new form of birth control. I guess she was in the control group because, here I am. I don't remember too much about my Mom and Father other then when he got her a gift for her birthday and i was sworn to secrecy. I said I just want to give her a hint. "It's pink and white and it's a bathrobe" I don't know how she guessed it.

My Father died a few days after I turned four. My Mom, not happy with ending up alone with three kids she never really wanted, wanted to get a father figure for us as soon as possible. I don't know how long she waited to date, but it wasn't long. I know one morning I went to climb into her bad and someone was already there. In my mind my brother had beat to that spot. It wasn't until later that I realized it had not been him.  I think she was one of these women who doesn't feel complete without a man. There were a few boyfriends and a lot of dates. My sister got the job of raising me. She took a liking to one guy. Harry was on his best behavior around us. They got married when I was eight years old. He went from nice guy to tyrant over night. From them on it was us against him. My sister got married and my brother went into the service. So it became them against me. Mom was sorry I was in the way. My step Dad resented having to consider me in his life. I did learn what betrayal was when I was ten, when she chose his side over mine when she know I was in the right. "Just shut up and take it" she said.  A tough lesson at a young age, to learn your Mommy doesn't have your back. There was a struggle and a lot cruelty but , believe it or not, it wasn't all bad. I learned to be very independent My Mom and step dad both had great senses of humor. This is where mine was developed. We went camping a lot. When I was in Jr High the L.A. city school teachers went on strike. Going to school became a baby sitting service. My parents decided to take me out of school, they took off work and we jumped in the motor home and traveled the lower eastern sierra. What a great trip. I learned more on that trip then I did from school that year. At one location the campground manager stopped us in the camp store to tell my Mom how beautiful she thought I was, and asked if I was adopted. Mom explained that I wasn't. But on the walk back to our camp site it dawned on her "Did that woman think I was incapable of having a beautiful child?" Her nose was bent out of shape for a while. It was funny when the three of us would go horse back riding. Harry had been riding all his life and had even been in the Junior posse, I rode for the first time at age four and rode any chance I had after that. We both rode western style. Mom, having been raise on the Norther East coast, rode English. It was funny to see her try to 'post' English style in a western saddle.

Back at home there were more good times then bad. I remember her stealing my MAD magazines and reading them herself. I remember very animated and funny dinner conversations. I remember one time she took a shower and forgot to bring a towel. At the time Ray Stevens song "The steak" was a hit and the fad was at full steam. She ran naked from one end of the house to the other yelling "Don't look Ethel" a line from the song. Harry and I were in the living room when she ran by. First we were in shock, but then we laughed so hard. Now that she made it to the linen closet and had a towel, she had to make it back across the house. It was then that she realized that the front door had been wide open the whole time. She had dyed her hair blond when she was a widow. So she was blond when she remarried. One day she was tired of it and dyed her hair back to it's natural dark brown. Harry came in form work and saw her from the back at the kitchen sink. He thought she was her sister, my God Mother, who he hated. So he went into the living room to watch the news and wait for his wife. He got madder and madder the later it got. Then my Mom walked into the room to ask what he wanted for dinner. He was dumb struck that it had been his blond wife, now brunette in the kitchen the whole time. He went into the bedroom and peeled off his toupee and shaved his head. She said "Wait, I married a man with a full head of hair". To which he said "Well, I married a blond" And that was that.



 When I was 17 and in Jr college my parents ran away from home. They said "We are moving up to the California Gold country, ...and you're not" It was a few years before I got to go up and visit them. The last time I had seen my Mom she was dressed to the nines, with her hair and make up always done. When I got their little town and needed to have her come show me the way through the little roads back to their home, a woman with salt and pepper hair in a strait short cut, wearing no make up corduroy jeans and a sweat shirt came up to me. I didn't recognize my own Mother. They had more then 30 happy years there. They both ended up in a care center in their last days. My Mom's humor was with her to the end. One day the nurses were trying to get her to open her eyes. She just didn't want to. Someone lightly tapped her head and said "Hello in there" She answered back "Hello out there". The staff at the home loved her for her humor and good nature. She loved my husband, Paul and he loved her. I am glad she got to see me married. Although we put in the video of our wedding for her to see and he only comment was when I was looking at our singer and Mom thought I was making eyes at the camera. Aw Mom!

The happy memories way over ride the sad ones. I will share them some day. But even the sad things shape us into the people we are. It is our choice what we want to remember, what we want to hold on to and for what reason. I will always choose Happiness. We will never know what Happiness next.

Peace, Joy, Love and Happiness to you all

Mom's birthday - her life rememberd - part 1

Today would have been my Mom's Birthday.I think she would have been some where around 90 years old.  She left us to go be with God two years ago She went almost full circle and passed away right before her birthday. Her husband, my step Dad, passed away just a week later. I didn't always get along with him but I was really touched by how much he did love her and couldn't live without her. She died on a Saturday, the next Friday my husband and I went to visit my step Dad. I had forgiven him for his cruelty a long time ago, but he chose to acknowledge it at that time. We had closure.

My Mom was Marie Germaine Alphonsine Suzanne Crepue Hall Holmes. She was born in Sorel Canada in a house on the St Lawrence River, about half way between Montreal and Quebec. She was a big baby and the family joke at the time was that she got up and opened the door for the doctor. All the  girls in her family were named Marie, they all went by their second name, except my Aunt Marie who was named Marie May. The next two names were her Godparents Alphonse and Suzanne. Crepue - her maiden name, Hall - my father's name - her first husband, Holmes - my step dad's name - her second husband. When she became and American citizen (before she married the first time) she dropped all but her first and last name. There was some story about how the day she took her oath on her lunch hour from work, she came back to her office and they had hung a banner that read "Citizen Crep Day" I don't really get it. Anyway,

The youngest of eight sisters and three brothers, she was a bit spoiled. She never was made to eat her veggies, but she would take her older sibling's cod liver oil doses. She loved to climb the apple tree in her back yard read a book and eat apples. I once saw a very early home move of her playing baseball with her family when she was 13 years old. She rode horses and played tennis and went swimming. She was sent to a Catholic boarding school. A few of the Nuns were her own Aunts. She said that they were required to never be nude, even in the bath. She and her friends would bathe nude then dunk their underthings in the tub and put them on wet. The Nuns would check if they were wet when that came out of the bathroom, so they got away with it. As I said, she was a bit spoiled. Her Father would send her gifts. He once send a big jar of candy. Her Aunt, one of the Nuns, kept the jar on her desk. Little Germaine was allowed to go to her office for two pieces of candy a day. One day she was waiting her turn to use the tennis courts. It had just come up to her turn when one of the girls said "Germaine, your Aunt wants you." My Mom's smart-alec response was "She probably just wants to give me some of MY candy". Just then the group of girls parted, and there stood her Aunt....I don't think my Mom got her candy that day. Another time my Grandfather sent her a bag of oranges, a great treat in the 1930's. Her Aunts thought it would be a great idea to turn them into orange-aid., and that my Germaine should be the hostess and serve the drink. A cup was poured for each of the students in her class and for the teachers. There was just enough left in the bottom of the pitcher for my Mom to have a glass herself. But, one of the Nuns picked up the pitcher an ran it full of tap water. She announced now we have a full pitcher. Speaking of pitchers, when she was home her job was to fill the milk pitchers for the table. Even with all those kids, the family took in boarders so there were several milk pitchers. One time when she was pouring, she realized she had more milk then the pitcher would hold. For some reason her mind told her it would work if she pored real fast. Of course, milk went all over the table. This led to a family joke of "Pour faster, Geri". Her sisters would tease her about this all the time. When we heard the story we picked up on it too. At  the dinner table if she was pouring anything, she would be told to "Just pour faster, .Mom"

I have more to tell tomorrow. I know I get my sense of humor from my Mom and the story telling as well.

Memories make me happy, even the ones that would not be considered happy memories. The disappointments, betrayals the sorrows of life, happiness comes from learning from these to be a better person.


Peace Joy, Love and Happiness to all

Is there an upside to stressful days?

I feel like I'm running a marathon emotionally. I give my troubles to God to handle, but then I get thinking of them and I take them back from God as if I am afraid he isn't doing enough. God does things in his way and in his time. I wonder what people who don't believe in God do? As I have said I don't care what you believe, just be true to what ever "It" is. I feel I am a much more centered person for knowing that I am a child of God. That wasn't always the case. I had a wild, tough time in my life that even though I felt I believed in God I didn't feel He believed in me. I lived my life as if my soul didn't mater. I lived for fun. But through a few events and new people in my life, I realized things really weren't very fun. My daily life is much more stressful now. There are a lot more things I need to do and be, and I have more then just myself to worry about. But my existences is tremendously better.

I don' know how long I will have Internet access. If my phone gets shut off the Internet goes with it. Again, I have faith that something will happen. Either we will find a way to get the money, or the phone will be off and I will have to find some way to look for work. What ever the lesson will be, I will do my best to learn it. Sometimes I am my own worst road block. A while back I had set a goal to lose weight. I said "Nothing will stop me, not even myself" But, guess what happened. I blocked my own every move. It was easy to do, I always could tell what my own next move would be. My own enemy needs to be my own friend. If change was easy wouldn't we all be glorious beings? These are the lessons learned...or learning. Actually I embrace change. I love to see what is new and exciting. But unfortunately that easiness with change has enabled me to run away in the past. My game plan in the past for dealing with stress was to run away. I promised Paul, when we got married, that I am done running. I now run to him...and to Him.

Tomorrow I have an opportunity to start learning more about my religious culture. I am looking forward to it. I have studied so many different types of teachings and now I am back to my roots. I think a lot of what I have learned on this journey is a part of me and comes with me back home. I have a clue for some people. There is only one God. No mater how He is presented to you through human teachings...there is only ONE. It amazes me how wars are fought over this. The exact opposite of what I think God wants for us. God is love. Here is a little "tell tale" about me. If I have to sign a name and I don't want to use my own. I with use the last name Giati. That is actually an anagram for : God Is All There is. I will sometimes just doodle it. Or, I will put it on a sticky note as a reminder. It is the phrase I use to comfort myself and to bring myself back to center. I plan to tell more about that phrase at another time.

But what have a learned on this stress-filled day? I learned that I have a lot of loving support. Friends have been giving me words of encouragement all day. I used to think I should keep all my troubles all bottled up inside. It would be shameful if people knew I had problems. No one would like me it they knew what was going on in my life. I find that it is much better to share. That is what friends are for. I tell everyone I am looking for work, someone just might know of an opening. I tell friends my troubles, not so they will fix them but to give me a chance to release what weighs heavy on my heart. I would do the same things for any one. I pray for you, you pray for me. I am so happy to know that God has set this in place.

Peace, Joy Love and Happiness to all.<3