It is hard to tell if my Mom would have like for me to spend two days talking about her. On one level, I think she liked a little attention.She had a beautiful singing voice. When she was a child she would sing at special events in her family and even in her town. At the beginning of World War II her 3 older brothers all enlisted in the military. They each chose a different country. My uncle John chose England, his little sister sang "God save the Queen" Uncle Frank stayed with Canada, so she sang "Oh Canada". For my Uncle Charley who signed up with the Americans, so she was asked to sing "The Star Spangled Banner". The problem is, she didn't know it. She had heard the tune but had never learned the words. So, she faked it. She sang what ever words came to her mind, some of them in French. If anyone in the mostly Canadian crowd knew the difference they didn't speak up. When she grew up and became a citizen she learned the words and sang them out with pride at every Dodger baseball home game. On a side note, all three Uncles survived the war even though two of them participated in the Normandy invasion. Her singing voice is threaded through my life. I remember her singing at camp outs and Bar-B-Q's, gatherings of friends and just around the house. She loved to sing barbershop harmony and had great vocal range. She could sing very deep bass but normally sang alto. One Saturday morning while we we cleaning house she was singing a beautiful ballad in French. We were all working quietly so we could listen. All of a sudden the tune changed and we heard "Scooby, Scooby Doo, where are you...." It was time to take a break and watch her favorite Saturday morning show.
She was not a typical beauty. She was pretty, with thick dark wavy hair and beautiful brown eyes. She and my blue eyed father had three kids. My older brother and sister got his blue eyes, I got her brown. I felt cheated until I saw her with some of her sisters and realized that my eyes are the family eyes. But her claim to beauty were her legs. She had beautiful legs. In fact her nick name among her friends in her youth was "Legs". My Mom liked men and they like her too. During the War she had a lot of soldier pen pals. Unfortunately she got a little board, or maybe she had met my father, but she decided to end the long distance relationships. Instead of writing a lot of depressing "Dear John" letters. She wrote her usual happy, fun letters, but switched the envelopes - so a letter to Bill went to Sam and Sam's letter went to Steven and so on. That way they all dropped her. No muss, no fuss. She and her sisters were wedding crashers. Without much money to go out on, she and her sisters would go into New York city and walk into wedding receptions they found, Italian, Polish just about any. If someone questioned them they would say that they are friends of the bride or groom depending on which side was asking. They would dance and eat and drink and have a great weekend..
She married my US Army Sargent father. She didn't want children, but he did. They had my sister then a year and twelve days later had my brother. Although my brother and sister do care about each other, the squabbling continues to this day. I've heard tales of them getting into the diaper cream and painting each other. Mom panicked that they may have eaten some. She called the doctor and he asked
"Why don't you give them butter?" "To counter act the diaper cream?" she asked, "No, instead...ha ha ha". I also hear that my sister would get our brother in trouble by telling him to do things that she knew they were not supposed to do. Once when the ceiling was being painted she encouraged him to go up the ladder several times, he kept getting spanked. Eventually she was over heard telling him to go back up, and they both got spanked. My parents packed up the kids and moved out to California, where I was born. Mom took part in a medical test for a new form of birth control. I guess she was in the control group because, here I am. I don't remember too much about my Mom and Father other then when he got her a gift for her birthday and i was sworn to secrecy. I said I just want to give her a hint. "It's pink and white and it's a bathrobe" I don't know how she guessed it.
My Father died a few days after I turned four. My Mom, not happy with ending up alone with three kids she never really wanted, wanted to get a father figure for us as soon as possible. I don't know how long she waited to date, but it wasn't long. I know one morning I went to climb into her bad and someone was already there. In my mind my brother had beat to that spot. It wasn't until later that I realized it had not been him. I think she was one of these women who doesn't feel complete without a man. There were a few boyfriends and a lot of dates. My sister got the job of raising me. She took a liking to one guy. Harry was on his best behavior around us. They got married when I was eight years old. He went from nice guy to tyrant over night. From them on it was us against him. My sister got married and my brother went into the service. So it became them against me. Mom was sorry I was in the way. My step Dad resented having to consider me in his life. I did learn what betrayal was when I was ten, when she chose his side over mine when she know I was in the right. "Just shut up and take it" she said. A tough lesson at a young age, to learn your Mommy doesn't have your back. There was a struggle and a lot cruelty but , believe it or not, it wasn't all bad. I learned to be very independent My Mom and step dad both had great senses of humor. This is where mine was developed. We went camping a lot. When I was in Jr High the L.A. city school teachers went on strike. Going to school became a baby sitting service. My parents decided to take me out of school, they took off work and we jumped in the motor home and traveled the lower eastern sierra. What a great trip. I learned more on that trip then I did from school that year. At one location the campground manager stopped us in the camp store to tell my Mom how beautiful she thought I was, and asked if I was adopted. Mom explained that I wasn't. But on the walk back to our camp site it dawned on her "Did that woman think I was incapable of having a beautiful child?" Her nose was bent out of shape for a while. It was funny when the three of us would go horse back riding. Harry had been riding all his life and had even been in the Junior posse, I rode for the first time at age four and rode any chance I had after that. We both rode western style. Mom, having been raise on the Norther East coast, rode English. It was funny to see her try to 'post' English style in a western saddle.
Back at home there were more good times then bad. I remember her stealing my MAD magazines and reading them herself. I remember very animated and funny dinner conversations. I remember one time she took a shower and forgot to bring a towel. At the time Ray Stevens song "The steak" was a hit and the fad was at full steam. She ran naked from one end of the house to the other yelling "Don't look Ethel" a line from the song. Harry and I were in the living room when she ran by. First we were in shock, but then we laughed so hard. Now that she made it to the linen closet and had a towel, she had to make it back across the house. It was then that she realized that the front door had been wide open the whole time. She had dyed her hair blond when she was a widow. So she was blond when she remarried. One day she was tired of it and dyed her hair back to it's natural dark brown. Harry came in form work and saw her from the back at the kitchen sink. He thought she was her sister, my God Mother, who he hated. So he went into the living room to watch the news and wait for his wife. He got madder and madder the later it got. Then my Mom walked into the room to ask what he wanted for dinner. He was dumb struck that it had been his blond wife, now brunette in the kitchen the whole time. He went into the bedroom and peeled off his toupee and shaved his head. She said "Wait, I married a man with a full head of hair". To which he said "Well, I married a blond" And that was that.
When I was 17 and in Jr college my parents ran away from home. They said "We are moving up to the California Gold country, ...and you're not" It was a few years before I got to go up and visit them. The last time I had seen my Mom she was dressed to the nines, with her hair and make up always done. When I got their little town and needed to have her come show me the way through the little roads back to their home, a woman with salt and pepper hair in a strait short cut, wearing no make up corduroy jeans and a sweat shirt came up to me. I didn't recognize my own Mother. They had more then 30 happy years there. They both ended up in a care center in their last days. My Mom's humor was with her to the end. One day the nurses were trying to get her to open her eyes. She just didn't want to. Someone lightly tapped her head and said "Hello in there" She answered back "Hello out there". The staff at the home loved her for her humor and good nature. She loved my husband, Paul and he loved her. I am glad she got to see me married. Although we put in the video of our wedding for her to see and he only comment was when I was looking at our singer and Mom thought I was making eyes at the camera. Aw Mom!
The happy memories way over ride the sad ones. I will share them some day. But even the sad things shape us into the people we are. It is our choice what we want to remember, what we want to hold on to and for what reason. I will always choose Happiness. We will never know what Happiness next.
Peace, Joy, Love and Happiness to you all
